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NAUSHENA - ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM SPOONERISM?

11/15/2016

3 Comments

 
Naushena is primarily a poet but she also writes personal essays occasionally. Her work depicts sensitivity and awareness towards her surrounding. She has been published in Five Poetry, Scarlet Leaf Review, Mothers Always Write, Mamalode, Boston Literary Magazine, EXPOUND and is forthcoming in few others.
                             
 
 
                      Are You Suffering from Spoonerism?
 
 
I  am. You  know, when  I  first  read  this  word  I  thought  it  had  something  to  do  with  ‘spoons’.  I  don’t  know  why  (you might call  me  crazy)  I  even  envisaged  a  collection  of  different  kinds  of  spoons.  But  I  was  wrong.
Does  it  ever  happen  to  you  that  while during  a  discourse  you  inadvertently  say  something contrary  to  what  you  intend?  It  has  happened  to  me  a  couple  of  times.  You  and  I  are  suffering  from  Spoonerism. Although  this  dis-ease  of  mine  is  pretty  old  yet  I  recently  realized  that  I  have  entered  the  final  stage  which  is  incurable  so  thought  to  share  with  you  so  that  at  least  you  can  help  yourself.   
Spoonerism  means  ‘accidental  mispronunciation.’ It  is  a  verbal  error  when  the  speaker  transposes  the  initial  sounds  of  two  or  more  words.  For  instance,  instead  of  I  missed  him  you  utter  ‘I hissed  him.’  W.A  Spooner  (1844-1930)  was  an  English  scholar  in  the  20th  century  who  was  famous  to  make  such  verbal  errors  in  conversation. This  word  is  named  after  him. This  accidental  slip  of  tongue  has  a  humorous  effect  (I  know  embarrassing  effect  too)
I  have  committed  many  spoonerisms. Once  while  talking  to  my  maid,  instead  of  saying  ‘This  mug  is  chipped’ I  said,
‘This  chip  is  mugged.’ It  sounded  as  if  there  was  a  Microsoft  chip  which  was  mugged  for  it  contained  some  classified  data.  How  interestingly  the  complete  meaning  of  the  text changes.  My  washing  line  is  on  the  rooftop  of  my  house. One  day  it  was  cloudy  so  as  soon  as  my  maid  arrived  I  said  to  her,
“Go  upstairs  and  take  your  clothes  off.”
She  was  gob smacked.  Just  imagine  by  just  saying  your  instead  of  the,  the  connotation  became  risible.  Then  few  months  back,  I wanted  some  information  and  since  my  son  was  on  the  net,  I  told  him  to  ‘goggle’  it!  No  wonder  he  refused  to  comply  and  gave  me  a  meaning  look  saying,
‘Mom, I  can’t  goggle, its  Google.’
It’s  not  that  I  am  illiterate.  In  fact, I  am  an  educated  teacher  and  a  poet,  but  why  I  utter  these  errors  I  fail  to  understand.  It  just  happen  involuntarily. 
You  feel  relieved  when  you  learn  that  someone  else  is  like  you, right?  Once  my  family  and  I  were  at  a  wedding.  We  had  another  family  sitting  round  the  table  having  dinner.  The  mother  picked  up  a  piece  of  chicken  and  said  to  her  child,
‘Shall  I  put  some  kitchen  in  your  plate?’
Whoa! I  was  pleasantly  surprised  that  I  was  not  the  only  one.  My  family  exchanged  smiles  but  of  course  for  courtesy  sake,  we  pretended  as  if  we  didn’t  hear.  But  I  have  lately  realized  that  this  spoonerism  of  mine  has  progressed  to  certain  stages  as  a  child  succeeds  to  higher  grades.  From  juxtaposition  of  initial  sounds  I  have  moved  on  to  words!  For  instance, I  occasionally  say  to  my  children,  ‘Put  the  stove  on  the  pot’  and  they  quip  that  if  they  do  so  the  pot  would  be  smashed  to  smithereens. Few  months  back, a  publisher  had  shown  interest  in  a  poem  of  mine  which  I  had  submitted  to  him.  Feeling  thrilled,  I  started  my  email  like  this;
‘Thank  you  for  your  interest  in  my  pie’  then  suddenly  I  came  back  to  my  senses. I  was  over-excited.  Thank  God  those  were  written  words  or  he  must’ve  thought  what  a  clumsy  writer  I  was.  Can  you  send  a  pie  via  an  email?  May  be  in  future.  Thankfully, I  corrected  myself  or  else… You  obviously  know  what  an  iphone  is  but  have  you  ever  heard  of  an  ‘A phone’?  Well, let  me  introduce  myself  to  you.    
Then  I  realized  that  I  entered  the  third  perhaps  the  final  stage; not  only  changing  words  but  the  ENTIRE  subject. But  I  am  not  to  be  fully  blamed  for  it.  I  was  in  my  nursery  class.  One  of   the  toddlers  had  accidently  passed  stool  and  we  teachers  went  on  sniffing  around  to  catch  the  suspect  as  there  was  a  blob  of  potty  on  the  carpet  and  the  stench  had  permeated  the  classroom. After  a  hard  time  of   snooping  about  we  succeeded.  We  got  the  child  and  the  classroom  cleaned.  One  of  the  children  had  brought  in  his  football  so  at  home  time,  I  held  it  up  high  and  asked  the  kids  aloud,
‘Whose  potty  is  this?’
Can  you  beat  that?  how  ludicrous!  Thank  God  only  my  co-teacher  heard  that  and  understood  that  the  potty  scenario  had  really  gone  to  my  head  affecting  my  sense  of  sight  too.  
Generally,  parents  don’t  forget  their  child’s  birthday  (fathers  may  forget  the  age  though)  I  have  never  forgotten  any  special  day  of  my  children  and  have  always  done  something  special  but  last  year  what  I  did,  no  parent  must’ve  done.  I  can  bet  that!  Last  December  I  woke  up  early  in  the  morning  to  greet  my  eldest  son  on  his  birthday.  While  presenting  him  his  birthday  card  I  hugged  him  saying,
‘Happy  New  Year!’
He  instantly  corrected  me  saying,
‘Mom,  it’s  not  New  Year  yet.’ 
What  an  embarrassment! How  could  I  be  so  foolish?  We  both  laughed  but  the  words  had  slipped  from  my  mouth. You  can  put  arrows  back  in  its  quiver  but  words  once  spoken,  can’t  go  back  into  your  mouth.  If  only  there  was  a  Delete  button.  Now  I  try  my  best  to  think  hard  before  I  slip,  I  mean  speak.  If  you  too  have  rampant  verbal  errors,  no  need  to  feel  ashamed  of  yourself  as  long as  they  are  amusing.  After  all,  to  err is  human  and  our  mouths  cannot  be  corked.
(935)  
 
  
3 Comments
ram
11/26/2016 12:54:27 am

Highly relatable, enjoyed reading!

Reply
sana
11/26/2016 12:55:47 am

HAHA happens to me too *highfive*

Reply
derrick eveleigh
4/8/2018 01:45:51 pm

I find it almost impposible to say "the north york moors" When my grandkids wanted a ice cream i dreaded asking for "a mint choc chip"

Reply



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