SCARLET LEAF REVIEW
  • HOME
    • PRIVACY POLICY
    • ABOUT
    • SUBMISSIONS
    • PARTNERS
    • CONTACT
  • 2022
    • ANNIVERSARY
    • JANUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
  • 2021
    • ANNIVERSARY
    • JANUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • FEBRUARY & MARCH >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • APR-MAY-JUN-JUL >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
      • ART
    • AUG-SEP >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • OCTOBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • NOV & DEC >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
  • 2020
    • DECEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • AUG-SEP-OCT-NOV >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JULY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JUNE >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • MAY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • APRIL >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • MARCH >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • FEBRUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JANUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • ANNIVERSARY
  • 2019
    • DECEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • NOVEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • OCTOBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • SEPTEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • AUGUST >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NONFICTION
      • ART
    • JULY 2019 >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JUNE 2019 >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • ANNIVERSARY ISSUE >
      • SPECIAL DECEMBER >
        • ENGLISH
        • ROMANIAN
  • ARCHIVES
    • SHOWCASE
    • 2016 >
      • JAN&FEB 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Prose >
          • Essays
          • Short-Stories & Series
          • Non-Fiction
      • MARCH 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories & Series
        • Essays & Interviews
        • Non-fiction
        • Art
      • APRIL 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Prose
      • MAY 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Essays & Reviews
      • JUNE 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Reviews & Essays & Non-Fiction
      • JULY 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Non-Fiction
      • AUGUST 2016 >
        • Poems Aug 2016
        • Short-Stories Aug 2016
        • Non-fiction Aug 2016
      • SEPT 2016 >
        • Poems Sep 2016
        • Short-Stories Sep 2016
        • Non-fiction Sep 2016
      • OCT 2016 >
        • Poems Oct 2016
        • Short-Stories Oct 2016
        • Non-Fiction Oct 2016
      • NOV 2016 >
        • POEMS NOV 2016
        • SHORT-STORIES NOV 2016
        • NONFICTION NOV 2016
      • DEC 2016 >
        • POEMS DEC 2016
        • SHORT-STORIES DEC 2016
        • NONFICTION DEC 2016
    • 2017 >
      • ANNIVERSARY EDITION 2017
      • JAN 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MARCH 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • APRIL 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JUNE 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JULY 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • AUG 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
        • PLAY
      • SEPT 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • OCT 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • NOV 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • DEC 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
    • 2018 >
      • JAN 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB-MAR-APR 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JUNE 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • JULY 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • AUG 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • SEP 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • OCT 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • NOV-DEC 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • ANNIVERSARY 2018
    • 2019 >
      • JAN 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MARCH-APR 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
  • BOOKSHOP
  • RELEASES
  • INTERVIEWS
  • REVIEWS

ALAN FORD - ADVICE TO HARVARD APPLICANTS

6/5/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture
​
The writer has had acceptances from Dissident Voice, Conclave, Academy of the Heart and Mind, Blue Lake Review, Brilliant Flash Fiction and other literary magazines for poetry and short humorous stories,  Writer could submit one or two if you wish.


​Advice to Harvard Applicants

​If you pour boiling oil
on your baby’s head
wait until the oil price has gone down.
 
If you undress in a public toilet
you may meet Piers Morgan.
or the police may join in.
 
If you steal a computer
you’ll have to take it back in the morning
for a windows technology update
 
If you decide to block the sidewalk
remember hookers, perverts and
Jeremy Clarkson have a right to walk on it too.
 
If you are arrested by an FBI agent
refuse to tell him
where Virginia is.
 
If you climb up Big Ben
to check your watch
remember it’s being repaired.
 
If you take a vacation in Saudi Arabia
don’t forget to take
your own chainsaw.
 
If you cross out the Samaritans
telephone number in the directory
insert your own number instead.
 
If you meet a nudist in the street
don’t park your bike
between his buttocks.
 
If you give an intellectual
an IQ test use a chimp
as a control group.
 
If you meet Donald Trump
don’t hold up a placard saying
serial killers begin here.
 
If you find an open coffin
who would you like to see in it?
Boris Karloff or Boris Johnson?
0 Comments

    Categories

    All
    ALAN FORD
    AMY VAN DUZER
    ANOUCHEKA GANGABISSOON
    AUGUST REYNOLDS
    BOBBY Z
    BRUCE LEVINE
    CAMERON MORSE
    DIANE WEBSTER
    D. R. JAMES
    EDISON A. FERREIRA
    FARUMBO
    LOIS GREENE STONE
    LORRAINE WADE
    M. A. ISTVAN JR.
    MICHAEL LEE JOHNSON
    MOSES CHUKWUEMEKA CHIMEREMEZE
    NDABA SIBANDA
    RANDY PLYM
    ROY CONBOY
    VIBHA VASANTH
    YUAN HONGRI

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • HOME
    • PRIVACY POLICY
    • ABOUT
    • SUBMISSIONS
    • PARTNERS
    • CONTACT
  • 2022
    • ANNIVERSARY
    • JANUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
  • 2021
    • ANNIVERSARY
    • JANUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • FEBRUARY & MARCH >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • APR-MAY-JUN-JUL >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
      • ART
    • AUG-SEP >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • OCTOBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • NOV & DEC >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
  • 2020
    • DECEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • AUG-SEP-OCT-NOV >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JULY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JUNE >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • MAY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • APRIL >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • MARCH >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • FEBRUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JANUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • ANNIVERSARY
  • 2019
    • DECEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • NOVEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • OCTOBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • SEPTEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • AUGUST >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NONFICTION
      • ART
    • JULY 2019 >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JUNE 2019 >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • ANNIVERSARY ISSUE >
      • SPECIAL DECEMBER >
        • ENGLISH
        • ROMANIAN
  • ARCHIVES
    • SHOWCASE
    • 2016 >
      • JAN&FEB 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Prose >
          • Essays
          • Short-Stories & Series
          • Non-Fiction
      • MARCH 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories & Series
        • Essays & Interviews
        • Non-fiction
        • Art
      • APRIL 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Prose
      • MAY 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Essays & Reviews
      • JUNE 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Reviews & Essays & Non-Fiction
      • JULY 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Non-Fiction
      • AUGUST 2016 >
        • Poems Aug 2016
        • Short-Stories Aug 2016
        • Non-fiction Aug 2016
      • SEPT 2016 >
        • Poems Sep 2016
        • Short-Stories Sep 2016
        • Non-fiction Sep 2016
      • OCT 2016 >
        • Poems Oct 2016
        • Short-Stories Oct 2016
        • Non-Fiction Oct 2016
      • NOV 2016 >
        • POEMS NOV 2016
        • SHORT-STORIES NOV 2016
        • NONFICTION NOV 2016
      • DEC 2016 >
        • POEMS DEC 2016
        • SHORT-STORIES DEC 2016
        • NONFICTION DEC 2016
    • 2017 >
      • ANNIVERSARY EDITION 2017
      • JAN 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MARCH 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • APRIL 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JUNE 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JULY 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • AUG 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
        • PLAY
      • SEPT 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • OCT 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • NOV 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • DEC 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
    • 2018 >
      • JAN 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB-MAR-APR 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JUNE 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • JULY 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • AUG 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • SEP 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • OCT 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • NOV-DEC 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • ANNIVERSARY 2018
    • 2019 >
      • JAN 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MARCH-APR 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
  • BOOKSHOP
  • RELEASES
  • INTERVIEWS
  • REVIEWS