“Please, Mom”: A Message About Addiction
I have so much to say. I think of you every single day. For your health and well-being, I constantly pray. Are you really okay with never speaking to your only child again, just because I want you to get the help that you need to live? I know your addictions have taken ahold of your head. I know sometimes it feels like you’d be better off dead. I know how this all feels myself. I know it much too well. You see, I know because I too have been through that hell. It feels like your head is being held underwater, floundering in the depths. And the moment right before you drown, you’re let up for a breath. Only to realize that death might have felt better that living the life you live. Please mom, don’t give up your will to live. I still need you even though I’m not a kid. No matter how long you are away or gone, I will never forget our favorite songs. No matter how long it remains this way, I won’t give up hope for a brighter day. Please know that I do not always think of what you’ve done wrong. And no matter how long it has been, I always hope to see you again. I have all along. I just want you to love and respect yourself like you really should. I just want you to be the woman I’ve always known you could. Because you’ve actually instilled so much kindness and good in me, I know that this kindness and good can be found inside of you, too, you see. So please just stop putting yourself and everyone else through this hell. Please mom, please! I’m down on my knees begging you to please, just get well. Even if you need professional help, there is absolutely no shame in that. Many people need help from those who know best, and that is a fact. But the time we are losing … the time you are losing … you cannot get back. So I’m begging you to do what you need in order to change that. Before you are gone. Before it’s too late. Before your addictions have sealed your fate. I love you mom, and I’m begging you over and over again. Please come back. Please don’t let this be the end.
My name is strong,
my name is sane,
but after you, my name
will never be the same.
You took my innocence,
you took all of my trust,
you left me in such pain,
you made everything change.
You forced yourself on me
while I cried out in vain,
even though I told you to stop,
even though I screamed “no!”
Over and over again, I protested
as my tears poured down like rain,
but you continued to defile me
until at last, you finally came.
My pleas fell on deaf ears, inhumane,
as you ripped off all of my clothes,
as you did whatever you pleased,
as you left me shaking on my knees.
I felt my heart fall to the floor,
I knew then, I was not me anymore.
I knew then, nothing would ever
again be what it had been before.
You can fill me full of disdain
due to your inability to restrain
from your urges, you can’t refrain,
but my heart you will not enchain.
I’ll never let your demons be mine.
I’ll never let you fill me with shame,
and I’ll never let you take my name.
NO! I’ll never let you take my name!
Hello there, little girl,
why do your eyes shine
with all of those tears?
Has your mother left you
here all alone again, while
she’s out drinking beers?
Alone to sit and wonder if
she’ll ever return, or end
up in a county jail cell again?
While you cower on the
corner of your little bed
hoping no one breaks in.
Most days you know she
will eventually return, it’s
just love for you she will lack.
It’s as if you aren’t even there,
as if you were never born,
it feels like she doesn’t care.
Your tiny heart, it breaks as you
cry, pace, and wait, for every time
she stumbles through the front door.
One day you will come to understand,
my sweet girl, that she is this way not
because of a lack of love for you –
But because of the gut wrenching
fact that she herself is about to break
from years of hatred and heartache.
Moving In Reverse
I’m moving in reverse
from this wicked curse.
The things you are to me
refuse to let me be free.
I’m lucky that I’m clever,
or I wouldn’t know better
I’d believe the same old
lies that I’ve been told.
But kindly unspoken,
you show your emotion
And silence speaks so
much louder than words.
I come from the wild, from a place
that you could never understand.
I grew up all alone because you
were never there to hold my hand.
The night sky was stark and so black,
bleak days waiting for you to recover
were far too often long and love lacked.
I walked to school and back each day, just
to come home, only to always sit there alone.
Because I come from the wild, I come from
a place that you’ll never know, but somehow
I still found this place to be beautiful, our
beautifully broken home, but you never did
believe that was so, and I decided I had to go.