KIM BAILEY DEAL - POEMS

Kim Bailey Deal writes Women’s Fiction, short stories, poetry, and creative non-fiction. She's been published in Firefly Magazine, A Journal of Luminous Writing. Kim has also been a guest blogger for Robert Lee Brewer’s blog at www.writersdigest.com. She authors a weekly column and is Social Media Manager for www.five2onemagazine.com. Kim also has a creative nonfiction piece published in Pilcrow & DaggerAugust/September Issue http://pilcrowdagger.com/issues/, and three poems, two short stories, and a creative non-fiction piece to published in September and October 2016. Kim is mom to three sons and one daughter, Nim to her grandchildren and step-daughter. She lives with her husband, John, near Chattanooga, TN. To connect with Kim, follow at www.kimbaileydeal.net.

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                      The Reluctant Warrior


My shield
                guarded my spirit
My lance
               pierced hearts with the truth
My sword
               cut through their falseness
My armor
              deflected the collateral damage
I am a warrior, life made me this way.
 
Ever since you took my outstretched hand
and we danced, I thought I no longer needed
my weapons,
I set them aside, collecting dust
in the remnants of fights and fear
 
Until the day the wolves materialized
while you stood idly by
they took pieces of my flesh
a morsel at a time,
Stripping me
            of my ecstasies
Reducing me
            to rubble
Exposing me
            to their single-minded scourge
 
Until a jagged coat of rotting muscle
skin over splintered bones
were all I had left to protect my spirit
 
You, then, began to feed off my remains
rejoining your clan and forsaking me
 
Forced to come back, the warrior me,
I knocked off the dust and limped into the fray,
my lance and sword of truth raised,
War paint smeared across my face,
each howl and scream returning
fierce flesh to my bones.
 
 
Donned with armor
shield raised
I fought
             for you
 
Backing down was not an option
reciprocity was unexpected from you.
This I realized as worms
ate the rotten flesh of the person
I had sloughed off,
the person I now despised,
the carcass of a woman who
was nothing but a shell.
 
The wolves fed on the last of the meat
what once was
gorging on their victory.
 
Reclaiming myself, speaking my truth
filling myself with love and respect
honor and boundaries and authenticity
no room for doubt
no second-guessing who I am
                                    or who we were supposed to be.
With shield and sword, lance and armor
I began to relentlessly fight
 
Yes!
              I have hell on my side
 
They kept coming,
cutting me with their insults
slashing at my words
seeking to shame me into submission,
demanding my Silence.
 
Turning to you in the melee I howled,
“I have been fighting for you! Will you fight for me?”
 
You simply turned away,       
           
            as my war cry echoed in your ears.
           
 
 
 
                                     Redemption
 
 
I was a flower
reaching for the sun, my petals barely open
my green arms small, yet strong
alone on the sidewalk
nestled in the cracked concrete
where you walked
laughing with roses and orchids
clutched in your hand as you
passed me by.
 
I was a diamond
glittering among shards of glass, gathered at the side
of the road, ruined
resting in the shade of trees
under which you drove, tires screaming
rattling the remains, remnants
roaring past me with gold and silver
bound fingers tapping
to a different tune.
 
I was a bird
broken-winged, banished, pushed
from the nest too soon
flapping in circles
calling out to you, singing
my broken song, shrill and scared
as you strolled past in silence, smiling
whistling with the whole ones
their melodies unmarred.
 
I was a flame
dim, in darkness flickering surround by walls
self-induced solitude
barely drawing on oxygen wafting
through the cracks of my fortress
glowing and dimming
fiery and faint
fierce and forlorn
refusing to die.
 
I am the fire
burning blistering bright, a bloody
red rose, thorny
a blue diamond, blinding
a mended bird, soaring
singing my songs, scorching the lies, searing
the walls, watch them crumble
and break,
a forged sword slicing
to the bone of truth.
 
 
  
                           Revolution and Evolution
 
​
Listen up!
Open your hearts
Expand your minds
The time has come
For a revolution
From which you can
No longer hide,
 
Made to be your companion
My sweet fruit always at your fingertips
You took without asking
Plucked me before I was ripe
Stunted my growth and left
Me to wither and rot
In my shame and grief.
 
You took
Without giving in return
Is this pleasure?
What a joke.
Your lips never tasted my lips
Your hands clumsy and quick
Your dead heart pressed against mine so fierce
Your eyes closed to the beauty inside my soul
Your shadow darker in my light.
 
You took
Not only my young body
You took my tender heart
You tried to take my soul
And my mind,
you considered so feeble
When my thoughts did not align
When my words did not echo
Your own.
 
You took
My children,
who sprang from my womb
Suckled at my breast
Who heard my heartbeat long
Before they heard your lies
You had the nerve
The audacity to believe that
THIS had no meaning.
 
You took
When I had nothing left to give
Worn out parts and broken
Dreams placed in boxes beneath
My bed
When all I asked
All I needed in return
Was the comfort of your hand
A heart to beat in sync with mine
Respect for me, a woman
With thoughts and feelings and dreams
 
You took
And you took
And you took
And you took
 
And when you were finished
When you had your fill
When my sweetness turned
To ashes in your mouth
You threw me aside
Like a worn and broken part
Like yesterday’s garbage
No use to anyone
or you anymore.
 
Listen up!
There will be no more taking.
 
This fruit
Sweeter still
Grows more glorious on the vine
This fruit
Stronger now
Spreads its seed beyond your reach
This fruit
Speaks truth into darkness
Moves mountains with a roar.
This fruit
Is inaccessible to you
As you have been to me
 
 
Your lips
Will never taste
The exquisite delight
Of my mouth
Your hands
Will never trace the sacred
dark places for which you hunger
 
Your eyes do not see me
Your heart is cold to the fire of knowing me
Or knowing yourself
Your hands that took
Without hesitation,
Became weapons against me
When you did not like what I gave back
Your arms stayed empty
For they now hold only a dream
A memory of who you wanted me to be
Who I never could have been.
 
Your mind is closed
To my imagination
Your heart is hardened
To the beat of my spirit
Your tongue is thick
With pride and rage
Your eyes grow so dim
The brighter I shine
 
Your ears hear
But they do not listen
Your lips move
But they do not speak.
Your foggy promise fades
In the hazy morning light
Burning off as the sun rises
warming my face
as I give its glow the one thing
I refused to let you take from me
 
To you I give my back
 
And walk away.