Author has out now three books out available on Amazon and published by Outlaws Publishing entitled:
An Old West Texas Attorney and the 8:10 to Chicago, An Old West Texas Attorney: The Apache Custody Case, and An Old West Texas Attorney: The Fort Davis Black Sox Scandal
The Cost Of A Pit Bull
Mr. Pitbull owned a pit bull obviously. He thought it was cool to own one. Everyone had one. So he got one too. But over the strong objection of his wife.
“That breed of dog is dangerous. They’re bred to kill. Pit bulls have been known to attack young children. What if it attacks the neighbor's’ little girl?” she warned him.
“Oh he won’t do that. He’s a good dog,” responded her husband brushing aside her constant nagging for him to get rid of that dog before something terrible happened.
Mrs. Pitbull hated Beast, that’s what he named the dog, Beast, and she vowed to herself that she’d get rid of that dog one way or another. Beast that is, not her husband. She hated that damn dog because it ignored all her commands. Wouldn't obey her at all. Paid no attention to her like she didn’t even exist except to growl at her every so often to let her know who was boss. Furthermore Beast had cost a small fortune to buy, plus there were always on going vet bills and dog food and and dog vitamins and dog toys expense as nauseum.
Mr. and Mrs. Pitbulls neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. Familyvalues, had a little girl, age five or so, and she had a bunny rabbit which she kept in a rabbit hutch, duh what else would one keep a rabbit in, in her backyard. Because the bunny was so fluffy and white, their daughter named her rabbit Fluffy. Not very original but then again five year olds aren’t all that original when it comes to naming their pets.
“Always make sure you close the cage door Sweetie when you’re done petting Fluffy. We don’t want him to get out and get lost now do we,” they warned their daughter. That sealed Fluffy’s fate and he was doomed with extinction the second they said that.
And thus one day the inevitable happened, their daughter didn’t latch the door closed, for after all a five year old is not a responsible person, and Fluffy got out. And that was the day that Beast just happened to run out the door into the yard before Mr.Pitbull could stop him, stop him from killing Fluffy that is, for after all an adult can be irresponsible too.
“Our little girl’s heart is broken,” said Mr. Familyvalues presenting the dead bloody mutilated body of chewed up Fluffy to the Pitbulls.
“Are you sure it was Beast who did this?” asked a doubtful Mr.Pitbull, not being able to say the word kill or acknowledge the obvious truth, for how could his sweet loving pet do such a thing.
But before Mr. Familyvalues could respond to such a dumb question, Mrs. Pitbull’s eyes shot darts at her husband. Like lasers they burnt into his brain and he quickly realized his marital life was at stake.
“How about I write you a check to buy a new Fluffy?” her husband ever so graciously offered.
“What about our daughter’s pain and suffering for her loss, the wrongful death of her beloved Fluffy? That’s worth something too,” added Mr. Familyvalues. Mr. Familyvalues was a young associate attorney at a big law firm there in town and sometimes he liked to flex his young legal muscles.
Knowing this Mr. Pitbull quickly settled on a sum agreeable to all, including his wife for she wanted him to pay dearly for keeping that blankety blank dog and feel the pain of money lost. And in addition to the money there was one additional term of the settlement agreement that was insisted upon by Attorney Familyvalues. That was that Mr. Familyvalues would make a police report about this incident since he wanted it on record. In legal terms, establish kind of a precedent or in other words strike one.
So Fluffy was laid to rest in the backyard of the Familyvalues. But only for a short time. Until the next day that is when Beast accidently got out again, through the fault of Mr. Pitbull again, and dug up Fluffy.
Another monetary settlement was reached for grave robbing by a canine. A second police report was made though no canine unit was called to the scene. And when they were finished Mr. Familyvalues warned the Pitbulls with, “That’s strike two.” And that’s when Mrs. Pitbull got her epiphany.
So the Familyvalues got a second rabbit for their daughter. This one was named Snowball because he was white and looked like a big snowball their daughter said.
And the day after Snowball arrived on the scene, Mrs. Pitbull put her plan in motion. She feigned sickness and called in sick to work. No one at the office doubted her for she was a nurse and if anyone would know if they were sick or not, it would be a nurse.
Mr. Familyvalues went off to his office and his wife took their daughter to daycare before she went off to teach first grade.
And as to Mr. Pitbull, he went to work as usual riding shotgun in the city garbage truck.
Then when she was home alone wearing her sickness costume of bathrobe, pajamas, and slippers with accompanying kleenex tissues wadded up in her hands, Mrs. Pitbull left her house and snuck over to Snowball’s hutch in Familyvalues backyard. Somehow when she was visiting the rabbit, she ‘accidentally’ left open the cage door when she went returned to her home.
Next thing you know Beast somehow got loose off his chain in their backyard and the first thing he did was make a beeline straight to Snowball’s abode. Snowball was still in the safety of his cage. He was high enough off the ground that Beast couldn't jump up into his cage and grab him. But like a dumb bunny Snowball panicked and jumped out the door hoping to make a run for it. He didn’t have a prayer. As he jumped out, Beast jumped up, and caught Snowball in his teeth in midair. Beast’s jaws crunched into and pierced the rabbit's skull with a sickening nauseating sound heard by Mrs. Pitbull watching all this at her back door. She cringed but nevertheless watched it all with a kind of perverted delight. Then she dialed Attorney Familyvalues at his office.
“I’m sorry,” she told him “but I’m home sick today, coming down with the flu I believe, and I wasn’t paying attention and uh well it seems our, I mean my husband’s dog, got out again and somehow opened your little girl’s rabbit cage and killed your little girl's new bunny.”
Mr. Familyvalues held his temper in check and then said he would call the police and meet them there at his home shortly and for her to be there or else. He didn’t say what the or else was but being an attorney it could mean one thing, legal action. When he got there the police were already talking to Mrs. Pitbull, but at a distance as they did not wish to catch the flu from her as she had warned them about. Then they talked to Attorney Familyvalues. He informed them of the previous two reports on file concerning this dog and thus they called the Animal Control Officer who quickly arrived on the scene. She took Beast into custody and then spoke to Mrs. Pitbull.
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to write you up ma’am,” she hollered from a distance, having also been informed by Mrs. Pitbull that she was coming down with the flu.
“It's not my dog officer. It’s my husband's. All the pedigree papers are in his name,” she hollered back from a safe non-contagious distance.
“Okay then. What’s his name?”
Mrs. Pitbull gladly gave it to her. The Animal Control Officer then wadded it up and threw the citation at her, for she didn’t want to get close enough to catch the flu, and said, “See that he gets that please.”
“Oh I will,” Mrs. Pitbull faithfully responded.
“There's a court date on it and I’m sure the animal will be ordered destroyed then. Your husband will have to pay the costs of all that plus the fine and court costs you know. This is the third time the police have been involved, the third strike so to speak.”
Mrs. Pitbull had trouble suppressing a smile. “I understand officer,” was her fake meek reply. And with that the officer left with Beast in the canine Paddy Wagon and he wasn't even an Irish setter.
Attorney Familyvalues then turned to Mrs. Pitbull, still at a distance. But she spoke first.
“Here’s what we’re going to do,” she said. “First I’ll get you some money and there’s still time for you to go and get Snowball number two before your daughter gets home from daycare. Your daughter doesn’t need to know what happened here today. She’ll never know the difference between the two bunnies anyway. Second since you can't bury another body in your backyard without your daughter finding out, you sack up Snowball and put him out with the trash for tomorrow's pickup. Third you tell your spouse what happened and I’ll tell mine and nobody says anything about this to your daughter. Okay?”
“Okay except for one thing, the pain and suffering to my daughter.” he countered automatically ever the attorney.
“Mr. Attorney since your daughter isn’t going to know about Snowball’s death. She’ll suffer no pain and suffering. Duh.”
“Okay,” he mumbled, head bowed, feeling like a fool. And so he agreed to the plan.
The next day Snowball number one went out with the garbage. Mr.Pitbull had no idea that he was throwing Snowball in the garbage truck when it stopped there to pick up the Familyvalues trash.
As to Snow ball number two, he was now just plain Snowball. Well he, well actually he was a she now was an exact duplicate of Snowball number one. But their daughter would never know the difference, and even if she did, Attorney Familyvalues was sure that Mr. Pitbull would gladly pay for the sex change operation.
Well after that Snowball kind of became a local celebrity. Their daughter took her to show and tell at the daycare center later that week and the following week Snowball appeared in Mrs.Familyvalues first grade class for Pet Day. All the children loved Snowball,He was so cute, cuddly, and fluffy.
Mr. Pitbull paid the fines and court costs and Beast went on to doggy heaven or maybe he went to the depths of doggy hell, probably the latter.
Mrs. Pitbull now sat down with pencil and paper in hand and started computing the costs of Beast. The purchase price, the paperwork to register the animal, the vet bill, special dog food and dog vitamins and dog toys her husband insisted on, the cost of two settlements with the neighbors, cost of two rabbits, court costs and fines, and the cost of putting Beast down and disposing of the body. It came to a considerable sum. “Who'd have thunk it,” she said to herself when she added it all up. But it was worth it for Mrs. Pitbull knew that sooner or later that animal would have attacked the neighbor’s little girl and then there really would have been literal hell to pay. She was thankful that she had gotten off as cheap as she did.
Divorce Lawyer Romance
Flynn Griffin, a thirty five year old divorce lawyer knew that he couldn’t let this case go on any longer. He looked across the conference table at his opponent, attorney C.J. McIntosh, and his mind drifted. For his client’s sake, for his own sake, he must stay focused, concentrate. He had to stop thinking about C.J. McIntosh. He had to reach a fair settlement for his client Mrs. Williams and he had to reach it now today.
His problem with his adversary, Claudia Jane McIntosh or C.J. as everyone called her, was that Flynn Griffin was in love with her and she likewise was in love with him. Both their clients didn’t know this of course nor did anyone else for that matter, no attorneys, judges, court clerks, no one, as the two of them had made an all out effort to keep their affair secret one. They did this because they both knew that they were dancing on the edge of an ethical dilemma, representing opposing clients while being romantically involved. So therefore they hid their relationship and hoped the case would soon be settled, time would pass and everything would go away.
Flynn reminisced and thought back to the time when their relationship started months ago simultaneously with the Williams first divorce hearing for temporary support. Ironically that was Valentine’s Day of all days. Before then the two of them hardly paid any attention to the other. To each of them the other one was just another battlefield adversary. But because the Williams divorce was so bitter and hotly contested and went on so long there was a lot of communication back and forth between the two attorneys. Back and forth over the phone, back and forth written correspondence, back and forth in and out of court. All this constant communication between them planted the seed that germinated and grew into their affair.
Settlement conference after settlement conference had been held all to no avail as the Williams could not or would not reach an agreement despite the best efforts of their attorneys. This was because each of the Williams had an affair and each blamed the other for doing so. Hatred and revenge ruled their thinking so much so that nothing got accomplished by the attorneys except billable hours and growing their relationship.
That relationship came to fruition one day after a heated temporary support order hearing that went on until way late in the afternoon. Finally when it was exhaustingly over, Flynn nonchalantly asked C.J. as they left the courthouse, “How about a beer? I could use one.”
“I could use one too,” answered C.J. jumping at the offer. “I’ll buy the first round,” she volunteered as her eyes twinkled and a cute little smile curled up on her lips.
Flynn picked up the signal. She was being coy with him, somewhat flirtatious, so quickly he responded, “That’s fine by me.” Both of them had sensed for some time now that a mutual attraction existed between them and that now was time to act on it.
Flynn saw her then for the first time that Valentine’s Day as an attractive young woman about his age with strawberry blonde cutely cut short hair, light blue sparkling eyes, freckles across the bridge of her little turned up nose, and a curvy petite body with shapely legs. He no longer saw her as the enemy.
C.J. likewise looked at Flynn differently then too. Such an attractive young man, six foot tall, blue eyes but with thick black stylish hair, a rare but attractive combination, abs, no gut, toned with a dignified stately manly appearance. To her too he no longer was deemed an adversary but now as a possible catch.
So they gathered at the local attorney watering hole but nothing much came of this first encounter since there were too many other attorneys present for them to have any meaningful personal conversation. Therefore they agreed to meet at another bar next Friday after work. At their second such meeting the relationship took root and grew to where it was today.
And today Flynn needed to concentrate. He tore his mind away from C.J., for the moment that is anyway, as the parties got down to business. It was apparent now that progress toward a settlement was finally being made. Everyone sensed it, the parties and their attorneys. And it was going to be settled for the same old reason that all divorce cases got settled. The parties had run out of money. They couldn’t afford to fight anymore. Also it helped that things had run their course. The Williams had had enough, fighting that is. All the hatred and revenge had burnt itself out. The parties were exhausted. They knew that it was time to turn the page, get on with their lives. So they reached an agreement.
It was written up, signed, and presented to the matrimonial walk-in judge, that is the judge who heard uncontested divorces, the following week. The parties briefly testified as to what they had agreed to in writing, that they voluntarily signed the agreement and that it was a complete and fair settlement of all their property, debts and rights that arose during the course of the marriage. The judge signed the Divorce Decree that bound them to the terms thereof and it was all was over in less than fifteen minutes of court time. The Williams were free. Free to remarry.
But Flynn and C.J. were not free, not free to marry yet because the Williams divorce still hung over them like an ominous dark rain cloud that wouldn’t go away. For if either of the Williams later believed that they got a raw deal, and found out that the attorneys were romantically involved with each other, there could be hell to pay. They could claim that their attorney’s judgement was clouded and thus their attorney was not working in their best interests. Both attorneys could face ethical charges as well as a malpractice claim. So Flynn and C.J. agreed that they would just have to cool it for at least six months or more before their relationship could become known. They would just have to somehow hold back their passion until then.
Nevertheless they continued to have their secret meetings at the parks where they would walk off in some isolated part of woods holding hands, talking and getting to know each other better. Getting to know each other better that was their main driving concern. Both had a disastrous first marriage and neither wanted a second one.
Sometimes they would just talk about the thrill of being young and in love and the wonders and the beauty and the joy of life itself. At other times they did not talk at all. They just sat, held hands, cuddled and cooed.
They had similar trysts at the courthouse law library, when no one else was there of course, or at the public library in their isolated little nook off one of the back aisles. All these public place rendezvouses were of a furtive nature. Keeping a constant look out almost made them not worthwhile as they just prolonged their agony. Yet despite all that they still cherished every moment thereof and could not give them up. Even the ones at his or her office, after the help had left for the day, were short as they were fearful of someone in the office complex seeing them coming and going and putting two and two together.
And all this time, through all this, whenever they saw each other at the courthouse, they would politely just say ‘hi’ or ‘how you doing’ making sure that was the extent of their conversation. They never held a conversation where just the two of them were present so as to not arouse any suspicions and of course they never took any more cases where they would be opposing counsel.
Flynn and C.J. had kept their relationship a chaste one so far. They had their reasons. Both knew that their first marriage had resulted in disaster. Both wanted to take their time before entering into a second one, so scared of making a second mistake, so scared that the mad heat and passion of sex would run them amuck like before.
So ever so cautiously they took their time, making sure that they learned all the traits and characteristics of the other. Knew each other's peeves, quirks, likes and dislikes, religion and politics as they did not wish to learn about them after the fact again. Both laid bare their souls leaving no stone unturned and by doing so they both found out that they had much more in common with each other than they ever had with the person that they had married.
But all the cuddling, hand holding, pecks on the cheeks were taking their toll on the parties sex drive. Their passion boiled just beneath the surface ready to erupt. Only the questions of when and where remained.
The when came six months after the Williams divorce. The Williams had remarried, to each other thank God, and the fear of any claims against them for mishandling their divorce died with their remarriage. And thanks to the legal profession the question of where was answered too. In their state all attorneys were required to take continuing legal education courses, so many hours a year. To do this one had to attend a state bar association approved seminar and get a certificate verifying that they had attended for so many hours. Seminars were held across the state by the bar association every so often and one was coming up next month at the opposite end of the state.
So Flynn and C.J. chose that as the date. Each booked their own room each in separate motels for the Friday night before the Saturday 8 a.m. seminar so as to give no appearance of any impropriety. Each drove their own car there to for the same reason. All this love is tax deductible they joked with each other as they made their plans.
That Friday afternoon each checked into their respective rooms, then Flynn flew to C.J. They couldn’t wait any longer and quickly they knew each other in the proverbial Biblical sense of the word. Once their flames of passions had cooled and reluctantly were put on low burner, they went to a chic elegant French restaurant, the name of which they they could not pronounce let alone know what it means. But they didn’t care because it was one with dim lights in a cozy corner, candles, soft music, tuxedoed overly courteous waiters, fine white linen tablecloths and napkins, sparkling champagne in stemmed crystal glasses, and a five page menu, in French of course, offering expensive exotic appetizers, entrees and desserts. A restaurant so thick in romantic atmosphere that it was palpable.
Flynn took it upon himself and ordered the champagne and entrees. C.J. was impressed. She liked a man who would take charge, be a gentleman, treat her like a lady, let her be his beautiful princess, he her prince charming.
Time passed and soon the fairy tale midnight hour approached. Back they magically flew in Flynn’s carriage, his beat up old Volvo that is, to their motel boudoir. Flynn had brought his personal effects and clothes for tomorrow’s seminar and despite not having gotten to sleep until the early hours of the morning, the lovers did make it to the seminar on time.
At five p.m. they received their certificate of attendance for eight hours and headed out for the historic tourist part of town with all its boutiques and chi chi little shops still open late for the Saturday night crowds. Up and down the street they strolled, hand in hand, going into every little trinket and gifts, t-shirt and clothing, candle and incense, antique and junque, arts and crafts, wine and liqueurs, ice cream and candy shop. Taking in all their fruited aromas, being dazzled by all the beads and bobbles and assortment of colorful merchandise, examining and fondling this little item or that, buying some little thing for the other, each having a high old time.
However there was something Flynn had to do first before they returned to their ‘no tell motel’ as they jokingly called it. He took C. J.by the hand and led her down the street to a jewelry store where he abruptly stopped. C.J read the name on the window, ‘Diamonds Galore and More.’
Flynn stood there before her, his hands holding hers, trembling somewhat, nervous, fearful of stuttering, looking her directly in the eye he began, “C.J. will.” But before he could say another word she burst out, “Yes Flynn. Yes I will marry you,” and she leapt forward threw her arms around him, hugged him tightly and kissed him passionately.
“Well then,” said a relieved Flynn having regained his breath and composure. “After we pick out the ring all we have to do is set the date.”
“Let’s set it for Valentine’s Day, the day the Williams divorce started. After all it’s their divorce that brought us together.”
“Well that’s a pretty long engagement. Valentine’s Day is over four months away. Why wait so long. I don’t know if I’ll be able to take it,” whined Flynn.
“Well actually there’s something else that we have to do first dear. You haven’t forgotten have you?” giggled C.J.
“Oh yes I remember now,” said Flynn. “How could a divorce lawyer like me forget something like that. We have to go home, each get a good divorce attorney, and divorce our spouses.”
“That's right dear.”