Ngango Milaz is an undergraduate Biochemistry student situated in Zimbabwe. He is currently working of a series of short stories and poetry.
It was a dream for there is no other rational explanation. Yes, I was dreaming, at least I think I was. My mind was playing tricks on me cause there’s no other explanation for why Lisa Andrews, the hottest girl in school, was making out with me in the utility closet. I’m not ugly or anything, no, but I’m not the most handsome guy around either and she’s way out of my league. “Is everything alright?” Lisa asked in her sexy English accent, her turquoise eyes as hypnotic as they get. She had noticed my mind was somewhere else, and why wouldn't it be? This was too good to be true. I decided not to spend the rest of the session doubting but caressing. I picked her up with my T-rex-sized hands and pressed her against the wall, using my pelvis to support her. My centre of desire was rubbing against hers while my hands groped her bosom. She moaned. Her cries of passion taunted my inner animal. I was hot and hard, and could tell she was wet. A part of me wanted to undo her blouse, tear her skirt and do her right there and then. It was what any horny teenager like me would do. It’s what I was going to do. My inner voice disagreed. It didn’t want me to enjoy myself, to quench the fire that spawned the day I hit puberty. Above other reasons, the repercussions of such carnal activities were serious. I could contract an infection, or worse—get her pregnant! I couldn’t think clearly. I gave in to lust and blood rushed from my head up here to my head down there. I don’t remember removing her blouse nor undoing the zipper of her skirt. What I do remember was tongue and spittle. Lots of spittle. “Oh baby, you want it bad, don’t you?” she moaned. Her hands shot down to my belt buckle. She did her magic and my pants dropped to my ankles. For a moment I thought I’d be the latest victim of premature ejaculation, but it was just a surge of excitement. She kissed me with her strawberry lips and her luscious hair fell onto my face, tainting my noise with a tinge of her almond shampoo. Her scent delivered a pungent dose of pheromones into my system, subsequently inducing a release of adrenaline that gave me a hummingbird heartbeat. I ran my fingers deep along her scalp, tripping over the fantasy I was living. It all seemed perfect until something peculiar happened to her hair. I’m not sure how, but her bright butterscotch-blonde hair shrunk to two inches of flaky, dull, dark, brown hair. Hair doesn’t just cut and dye itself like that but it didn’t bother me. I’d been drawn in by her body to the extent of not caring what she looked like. This was the first warning sign. As she moaned out of passion, her hands picked my body and slammed it against the wall. I groaned but it wasn’t that painful. She was one feisty girl, I loved that a lot. Sure she had somehow shed her hair and got unusually strong but so what? I was going to get laid. The smoothness of her lips faded out the more we kissed, tiny spikes around her mouth piercing my skin. Her curvaceous waist straightened out as I caressed it. My manhood had been pressing against her pelvis but now I could feel something pressing back. Something was off, my libido one of them. I broke the kiss and looked at her face. Her eyes were bloodshot, brows bushier than my pubis. She no longer had a well-defined cheekbone, the epitome of a gorgeous woman. Instead, the rest of her face was now covered by a thick black beard and her larynx threatened to burst out of her throat. “What’s the problem, honey?” Uh oh! I was scared, like crapping-my-pants scared. Since when could she verbalise a baritone? And, were boobs deflating? Oh Lord, was I making out with a man. “Aargh!” One second I’m with Lisa Freakin’ Andrews, with the golden hair and big boobs and stuff yet here I am staring at a man taller, stronger and with a bushier beard than I do. Did I have latent homosexual tendencies? No, I’m definitely not gay. I mean, I don’t think I am. Am I? Never mind that, this sex-shifting person, whatever he was, was still aroused. He wanted me and I, in that moment, wanted to get as far from that place as possible. His grip on my arm tightened. “What’s wrong, baby?” I pushed him aside and bolted out of the closet, Lisa chasing after me in empty school hallways. Last I checked there were teenagers swarming these passages yet here I was all alone with a woman that had just transformed into a man. What sort of a person does that? She was like a werewolf of some kind except she transformed into a man instead of a canine. Do I refer to her as he or she? Maybe both? “Baby wait, don’t go!” His voice was hoarser than mine, impelling me to run faster. However, this did nothing to increase the distance between us. Each time I turned back to look at him he’d have gained on me despite his wearing a skirt. As I approached the end of the hallway, I lost my grip on the wet floor and crashed into the ground. I crawled through a door onto the concrete pavement, panicking and scared shitless. The bad side of a dude wearing a skirt is they aren't made to hide erections. And Lisa was heading towards me with a hard shaft pointing at me. I had to get out there but I couldn’t outrun him. Where could I go and how would I get there? I didn’t want to think about what he was going to do to me. No. I’d rather think about Lisa, the girl, not the guy standing in front of me. The one with a magnificent bosom and long sexy legs. I’d rather think about myself having a threesome with Lisa, the girl, and her best friend Mandy. The kind of stuff Charlie Sheen would do. “Whoa!” My hands sunk into the ground, which was alarming since I was on a concrete pavement. My senses said another story. Waves sloshed against the rocky shore in the background, the salty seawater tickling my nasal cavity. My skin was covered with several sand grains and ants were biting my buttocks. Something about the environment just gave me a huge sense of relief. I'd fled from the were-woman that had tried to seduce me. I got up and turned around. There was a house a couple of metres away and I got into it. I walked about if familiarity as I recalled the house's interior. The fireplace, the stairwell, balcony and French windows: it all looked familiar. I was inside Charlie's house from the set of Two and a Half Men. I went upstairs into the bedroom. There were women’s undergarments lying on the floor. The lace on one of the bras reminded me a bit of the one Lisa was wearing earlier. Once I got her in my head, I couldn’t get her out of it. I know it’s weird but you have to understand where I’m coming from. It’s not every day the girl of your dreams tries to seduce you. Then it hit me. What if this was a dream? It has to be a dream if the girl of your dreams wants to hook up with you. It’s also a dream if you somehow teleport from school to Charlie’s house. But when Lisa transforms into a man, that’s no longer a dream. No. That’s a-- “Baby, why did you run from me?” Oh no, not again. How did she get here? “What do you want from me?” I cried, dropping to my knees in tears. “What are you?” “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to do this. It’s forcing me to this,” he said, his protuberant Adam’s apple oscillating up and down his throat. I was confused too. “What the devil are you talking about?” "Look, my name is Michael and I'm a…I'm…the beast is coming out!” he bellowed, his cry sounding more like a howl. His beard grew bigger and thicker, spreading to his neck. He ducked to the ground as though to grab something…a knife! The serrated blade managed to nick my ear after an instinctive dodge on my part. “Run now!” I did, but apparently, I wasn’t running fast enough. His growling, moaning and howling were ever-loud as his bones crackled. I couldn’t run faster than what was coming. I needed help, I was desperate. For some reason, a steel cage stood by the road. The ideal situation would’ve been him in the cage and not me. Unfortunately, some idiot came up with the saying, ‘beggars can’t be choosers’ and I wasn’t in a position to bargain. I locked the door and awaited the inevitable. What followed is beyond the word ‘terrifying’. Oh God, even now I’m still afraid. He looked like the hybrid of man and a wolf, a werewolf of some kind, though there was no moon in the sky. At his fingertips were three-inch claws, which were as long as the fangs emerging from his mouth. His chest was draped by a thick beard resembling a mane. His entire body was covered in hair, even the inside of his elf-like ears. He looked like Michael Jackson in the Thriller video. He leapt into the air and landed on the roof of the cage, striking his sharp talons against the steel. There was no way he could break it. He wasn’t strong enough. I was hallucinating the steel bars breaking, yes, that was it. I was imagining him getting into the cage, forcing me into a corner. His claws didn’t look scary and it wasn’t blood coming out of my chest when he struck me. Why wouldn’t he kill me already? I crawled away wounded, flesh and spirit alike. After mauling me, he dragged my half-dead body back to Charlie’s house. At least I’d die in the house of a celebrity, where there once loads of naked girls. Michael tied me to a pole and took a bottle of whiskey. Damn you, Charlie! Why did you store your favourite drink in the open? A drink that’d be used to burn me alive? Alas to you distillers who make Bourbon! Tossing a match on the floor, Michael set me and the house on fire. Was I in hell? Was this the punishment one got for fornication? I mean, I didn’t actually get to have sex with Lisa, but still? The wood was dry and spread the fire rapidly, feeding it to grow larger and burner me more. Sweat dripped out of my skin faster than blood oozed out my jugular. I could smell my burning flesh and the air getting thinner. A toxic concoction of alcohol, carbon monoxide and burnt wood clogged my lungs. Was this the end? My lights were fading and my brain shutting down. I was falling into a permanent sleep, or rather awake in an eternal night. Hang on, night! I was dreaming, right? I had teleported from school into Charlie Sheen’s house. This meant I had power. If Einstein failed to what I did, what trouble would I have putting out a fire? This was my dream and my mind. Here, I am omnipotent. So, I’m in a hot, blazing inferno, tied to a pole and seeking relief. Naturally, most would think of water. But no, I’m much clever than that. I need to show Lisa who I really am, show him not to mess with me. I did what any ambitious, creative, strategic person would do…I imagined being on top of the world. Oh yes, I was standing on Mount Everest! I hadn’t intended on bringing the house with me, neither had I Michael, but who cares? The power I had was phenomenal. Even the blazing house fire Lisa set had snuffed out the second we arrived there. That’s because it’s freaking cold up there. The wounds that vicious creature had inflicted on my body healed. Say I plagiarised Wolverine’s powers if you will. I sure know he won’t sue me. “I’m going to enjoy killing you over and over again!” said Michael, not flinching at the sub-zero temperature of the mountain peak. What was I thinking when I brought us here? Wolves thrive during the winter; they are adapted for it. I should have taken him to the Sahara Desert, at least he would’ve died of heat stroke or something. Oh well, I did want him to suffer dearly. He charged at me, fangs flashed like a striking adder. Idiot. I conjured a blizzard that condensed snow around him, turning him into a popsicle. Who knew dreaming was this easy? He couldn’t possibly escape from there. Was the ice cracking? It was probably because of the impact on the landing. What was happening? Who broke the ice and set him free? “Let’s do this again!” I said, more confident though a tinge of doubt manifested in the back of my mind. We brawled again but he was immune to everything I had up my sleeve. Thwart! Crash! Bang! Who was this guy? He couldn’t die and I was getting tired. I couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe I could give him poison apple or something. I needed ideas and the best I had was an apple. At least I could hit him in the head with it…Oh man, I’m a genius. The idea literary hit me in the head, well, not me but Isaac Newton. An apple hit him in the head when he came up with gravity. That was what I needed, not an apple, but to use a law of physics. The worst that could happen to him was being buried alive. Moreover, we were at the highest point in the world; there was no greater fall than this. I cracked the mountain apart, ripped it into two cliffs. There was no way he’d survive this. “Oh Michael,” I taunted him. “You better hope wolves can fly.” I had been facing away from him so I assumed he was far. I had never been further from the truth. His claws dove deep into my spine, shoving me into my own grave. But I wasn’t going to let it end like this. This was my dream. I had to fight to my last breath. I pulled him into the chasm with me. Since I was closer to the edge, I reached for any form of leverage I could find. The skin of my palm peeled off as my hand braised against the rocks. It was bad enough having Michael trying to kill me but being trapped in the same tomb as him, that was something else. I broke three of my fingers trying to clamp the hard mountain rock. There was a way out of this after all. I had survived, I had killed the bogeyman. I climbed back to the pinnacle of the mountains. Sure, the Indians or whoever owns the bloody mountain would sue me for vandalising it, but no judge would believe them. Better yet, there were no witnesses. The mountain crumbled further and the ground shook violently, growing shorter by the second. After a while, the tremors dampened and the destruction ceased. I had won this glorious battle. All that was left was figuring out how to wake up. I would have pinched myself but that would’ve got me nowhere. What did I have to do to wake up? That girl, Lisa, was responsible for all this. It was her who had tried to seduce me, tried to eat me and tried to burn me. She deserved what she got. She…She… The tremors returned, worse than ever. My side of the mountain plummeted to the ground whilst the opposite side rose into the air. What was going on? It seemed as though something the size of Voltron was trying to stand up. Two massive holes released steam in a rhythmic manner, its nose, and below it, several ivory pillars bigger than two-story walls gnashed viciously. Vertical slits gleamed malice at me as my jaw dropped to the ground. It wasn’t a mountain, it was Michael, standing at over two hundred feet tall. “Ready for round two?” he said, his voice collapsing the mountains in the background.