This party was fucking awful. Everyone lost in an alcoholic, and probably some pill infused transe. College parties are such a joke. She took my hand, and I follow. She was the reason for being here. Surrounded by dozens of semi attractive people but all I want is her. She is everything I could possibly need.
Everyone is so fake to one another. Dancing to music so awful that it makes me think of Barry Manalow if he decided to try EDM. These people grinding and kissing on their “lovers’’ like they actually care about each other, when in reality they need to cosume as much alcohol as possible for sex to even be an option.
These people don’t know what true love is.
They haven’t found their euphoria yet.
With her in my hand, we squirmed through the crowd, dodging the half naked bodies attempting to make a move on me. I follow her wherever she tells me to go.
She controls me.
We left the party, and got right in my car that could barely start. My hands were trembling around the steering wheel. Sweat was starting to break through my skin. I could hardly even wait. I want her so bad.
The drive home was excruciating. Every parking lot or alley I had to pass screamed out to me.
What if I just pull over right now?
Eyes on the road. I just need to keep my eyes on the road. I’m almost there.
I turned up the radio and let Green Day keep my mind occupied. I finally got back to my apartment. Once I was inside my clothes couldn’t come off any faster.
I can’t even walk into the bedroom without stumbling over my feet.
Jesus, how long had it been since my last?
I sat down on the bed but can’t even think of what to do first. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
Just relax, we’re almost there.
I took out the same spoon that I’ve been using since I started all of this. Next came the time to add the solution to all of my problems.
Add a little bit of water.
Now to boil it.
It really does make you feel like a chemist doing all of this. Watching the reaction happen right before your eyes.
The metallic lips engulfed it. With my teeth, I tightened the belt around my arm. Slowly she entered my veins. Dull, and slightly painful. I closed my eyes and drifted. Back to my euphoria. Fuck this feels nice. It’s better than the best love. Hell it’s even better than sex. Slowly I sank into the mattress.
Something isn’t right.
I think I just released myself because my lower half is a little too warm. Steaming hot vomit spews out of my mouth. Breathing is impossible now, as my lungs fill up with a nasty mix of bodily fluids. I slide to the floor and fall face down.
I start to seize. My body flails back and forth. Next came the shivers. I could feel my body turn to ice.
She controlled me.
Erik stared at the photo, gripped tightly in his hands. The waves violently crashing onto the shore in front of him. A storm was quickly brewing. He brought his eyes up to gaze out at the open water, thinking of all the days he had been coming here since he passed. Something was different about today. To put it simply, Erik was done staring.
If he wasn’t drowning in his sorrow, he was guzzling down cheap whiskey like a fish. Everything made him think of the son he no longer had. The cries in the night that belonged to nobody, the toys he couldn’t bring himself to put away. This empty life wasn’t a life for him. Erik was purposeless.
He brought the photo of his son to his lips, giving it a gentle kiss.
“I’ll see you soon,” Erik said.
Erik tucked the photo into his breast pocket of his jacket. He stood up, then filled clothes with as many rocks as he could until he was satisfied. He struggled as he took a deep breath. As he exhaled, he took his first steps to the water.
He stopped just where the waves reached his shoes. Erik looked down as the water seeped into his shoes. He leveled his view back to the water. A heavy gust of wind blew the tears back into his eyes.
Erik shuffled into the water. The intense waves soaking him immediately. He dragged his legs through the water getting deeper, and deeper. He spit the salt water that managed to make its way into his mouth
Erik tried to hold off from crying, but it was impossible. He exploded into a sob.
“I’m so sorry,” he cried as the water reached his chest
In between his cries and the waves crashing he could hear something. He turned around back to the shore trying to see past the waves.
A woman stood on beach calling out to him. Erik couldn’t make out anything she was saying, but she motioned for him to come back.
“god dammit,” he said.
He wiped off the water and tears on his face then started back towards the shore.
In between waves he could see a dog paddling towards him. He slipped his jacket off and swam towards the dog.
A Pitbull. Erik’s son dreamed of having a Pitbull companion one day. Erik planned on getting him one for the Christmas that never came.
When he got to it, he was immediately greeted with slobbery kisses.
“Thank you bud,” he said, patting the dogs head.
He slipped his fingers below its collar and moved back towards the woman.
Erik got back to the shore, collapsing in the sand in front of the woman. The dog returning to her owner. She knelt beside him, rubbing his side.
“What’s going on? Why are you fully clothed” she asked.
He didn’t respond. He figured the question was rhetorical.
“Is there someone I can call?”
He looked up at her. He could tell something about her. It was in her eyes. Erik had seen the look before, in himself. She was broken like him.
“What’s your name?” Erik asked.
“Jackie,” she said.
Erik held out his hand.
Jackie shook it with a slight smile.
Erik sat up, looking up to her. Then to the dog.
“Your dog here might have just saved my life,” he said.
“Mine too,” Jackie smiled.
Erik held out his hand and the dog came. He rubbed it the brought his face to it.
“What’s his name?” Erik asked.
“Remmy,” she said.
“Remmy. I like that name,”
Erik stood up so he could see Jackie eye to eye.
She brushed the sand off his face.
“Can I take you to get a change of clothes? Maybe get you something warm to eat or drink?” she asked.
Erik smiled for the first time in a while.
“I’d really like that.”
The Samurai and the Koi
The sounds of a brutal, and pointless war echo through the forest behind him.
Samurai’s are to fight for honor, to protect the helpless. This was a war for dirt. For soil that would be built upon and the reasons for bloodshed would be forgotten.
As the battle slowly ended, a Samurai wondered into the forest that lined the battlefield. If he were to be captured, torture was the least of his worries. He would ultimately be dishonored. Seppku was the sole answer.
The Samurai, bloodied and beaten, stumbles from the woods into a clearing shaded by a Cherry Blossom tree. Beneath the trees is a stream that flows delicately. As he admires the area a slight smirk sprawls across his face.
“A worthy place to die,” he says.
He limps to a rock that rests beside the water. The Samurai exhales sharply as he lowers himself. He leans over, cupping some water into his hands and splashes it on his face. He repeats until most of the dried blood and dirt is cleaned off.
A sharp pain burns on the side of his ribs. The Samurai pulls back his armor to see what affliction causes him discomfort. His skin is split just above the ribs, he touches it but flinches as the wound is still very tender.
“Why have you come here,” an unknown voice says.
Startled, the Samurai draws his sword as he stumbles to his feet. He rapidly looks around, but there is nobody there.
“Show yourself, do not cower behind the cover of trees,” the Samurai says.
“Perhaps you are looking in the wrong place,” the unknown voice speaks again.
A small spatter comes from the stream catches the Samurai’s eye. He limps over to it. A puzzled look comes over his face, as he finds two silvery, wide open eyes peeking out from the water. The eyes belong to a Koi with scales that glimmer beneath the inferno overhead.
“You found me,” the Koi’s small lips move.
Although this mysterious creature was puzzling, a wave of comfort came over the Samurai.
“Sit,” the Koi said.
The Samurai sat without a beat.
“What are you,” the Samurai asked.
“That question is not important,” the Koi answered.
The Samurai sat down on the rock once more, setting his swords beside him. Blood trickled down his leg into the stream. The Koi notices.
“Are you in pain,” the Koi asks.
The Samurai chuckles. “Why have you come here? To bother me. What good fortune do you offer me,” The Samurai says.
“I can offer you nothing,” The Koi says.
The Samurai begins to strip off his armor, setting each piece on the surrounding rocks.
“Then why bother me, fish,”
The Koi swims in a circle.
“Are you leaving,” The Samurai asks.
“You don’t want me to leave. You see, I cannot bring you good fortune, but I can offer my company as you depart from this life,” The Koi says.
The Samurai takes a painful breath, then looks to the Koi.
“You don’t have to witness this,” He says.
The Koi’s glass eyes look up to the Samurai.
“I’m older than you ever could be. I’ve seen many things and I shall see many more. Do what you must,” The Koi says.
The Samurai wraps his fingers around the handle of his short sword and unsheathes it. He places the blade to his stomach. The Samurai takes a deep breath and pushes the blade through is robe and into his body. He closes his eyes tightly as he moves the blade across his insides, cutting through his organs. The Samurai tightens his grips around the sword and slices upwards, ensuring his death. He trembles as he slowly takes the blade out, then he sets it next to its counterpart.
The stream turns crimson where the Samurai sits. His blood gushes into the water. He looks down to the Koi, seeing that he is untouched by the blood as it flows around him.
“What are you,” the Samurai wheezes.
“I am whatever you make of me,” The Koi says.
A slight smile comes over the Samurai’s face. His question wasn’t answered but the answer was satisfying. The Samurai looks around the clearing, watching Cherry Blossom petals float to the ground.
Steadily, his breaths become shallower. No conversation is to be had with the Koi, just good company. The Koi watches as the Samurai’s head lowers. His weightless body leans to one side, then falls onto the rock.
“Rest well,” the Koi says.
He turns, and swims upstream.