#The National Sex Consensus Board (Part One)
The slow moving river sparkles here and there in the moonlight. Two men sit at a wooden slated table, staring out beyond the water into darkness, listening to the chorus of a hot summer night. Behind them, the house, flanked by an immaculate cut lawn. They drink whiskey watered down with copious amounts of soda.
‘I’m telling you, we’re not decent.’
‘Speak for yourself, not for me.’
‘If we were, you wouldn’t need a front door lock, that terrible car alarm that shrills half the night scaring wildlife, or that rude light and camera peering over your manicured lawn.’
‘That’s not me being indecent...dam, I mean not-decent, it’s all the others, anyway it’s not manicured...’
They both laugh.
‘Remember that girl?’
‘Can’t you just drop it - she slapped me round the face, so what?’
‘Guess you’re not so decent after all.’
’You know, hot summer night, few drinks, seemed right.’
‘For you, soon fell apart when you grabbed her ass and kissed her lips hard. Look at the trouble it got you in.’
‘Lost me my job, ended up at the station half the night. God it was embarrassing, had to say sorry a thousand times, beg forgiveness, blame it on the drink...and then move house. I just wanted her. Is that so indecent?
‘It is now.’
‘Trouble is, we don’t have rules, real rules on the correct way to date.’
‘We need laws to stop this indecency, otherwise I’ll be forever moving house.’
They burst out laughing, pour another drink and raise a toast.
‘Let’s take the boat into the swamp, might see fish spawning under moonlight. Grab the whiskey.’
At the end of the lawn, where the ground gently falls away to the water’s edge, lies a wooden canoe. Moments later they are paddling through small vegetated channels under the canopy of tall trees. Here and there, moonlight cuts a beam and shimmers in the gentle ripples. The noise of insects, birds and frogs drowns the whispers.
‘What was that?’
‘Just saying that it’s me and you who need to write the rules...for our own protection.’
‘If it becomes law, we’ll never have sex again!’
They laugh some more, passing the bottle between them.
‘It will have to start with an interview – both interested parties.’
‘How will they meet?’
‘Not sure, something online, like a government app.’
‘Then a blood and genetic test to make sure you don’t have plague or related to Frankenstein.’
‘Do you think anyone will go through this twice? Imagine the stamina you’d need!’
‘Of course it will cost, after which a date can be had.’
‘A controlled meeting, maybe a drink or two, no more. Would there be a handler to make sure the rules are being followed?’
‘Probably, then the next phase could be initiated after a feedback session.’
‘Consent to go ahead.’
‘Yeah, but no touching yet, that would come after a few more reviews.’
‘So when do we get to have sex in all this?’
‘Not sure, they’d have to be a meeting, a panel of experts, could take months.’
‘Oh, you mean: The National Sex Consensus Board.’
‘Hey, that’s brilliant.’
‘Who would go through with it? Who would actually ever end up having sex?’
‘You know, these kids with all their apps, no real life, end up having sex through mobiles.’
‘OK, here we are – see any fish?’
‘No, they didn’t pass the test. Maybe next year.’
#The National Sex Consensus Board (Part Two)