SCARLET LEAF REVIEW
  • HOME
    • PRIVACY POLICY
    • ABOUT
    • SUBMISSIONS
    • PARTNERS
    • CONTACT
  • 2021
    • ANNIVERSARY
    • JANUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • FEBRUARY & MARCH >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
  • 2020
    • DECEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • AUG-SEP-OCT-NOV >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JULY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JUNE >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • MAY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • APRIL >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • MARCH >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • FEBRUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JANUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • ANNIVERSARY
  • 2019
    • DECEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • NOVEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • OCTOBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • SEPTEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • AUGUST >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NONFICTION
      • ART
    • JULY 2019 >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JUNE 2019 >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • ANNIVERSARY ISSUE >
      • SPECIAL DECEMBER >
        • ENGLISH
        • ROMANIAN
  • ARCHIVES
    • SHOWCASE
    • 2016 >
      • JAN&FEB 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Prose >
          • Essays
          • Short-Stories & Series
          • Non-Fiction
      • MARCH 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories & Series
        • Essays & Interviews
        • Non-fiction
        • Art
      • APRIL 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Prose
      • MAY 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Essays & Reviews
      • JUNE 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Reviews & Essays & Non-Fiction
      • JULY 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Non-Fiction
      • AUGUST 2016 >
        • Poems Aug 2016
        • Short-Stories Aug 2016
        • Non-fiction Aug 2016
      • SEPT 2016 >
        • Poems Sep 2016
        • Short-Stories Sep 2016
        • Non-fiction Sep 2016
      • OCT 2016 >
        • Poems Oct 2016
        • Short-Stories Oct 2016
        • Non-Fiction Oct 2016
      • NOV 2016 >
        • POEMS NOV 2016
        • SHORT-STORIES NOV 2016
        • NONFICTION NOV 2016
      • DEC 2016 >
        • POEMS DEC 2016
        • SHORT-STORIES DEC 2016
        • NONFICTION DEC 2016
    • 2017 >
      • ANNIVERSARY EDITION 2017
      • JAN 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MARCH 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • APRIL 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JUNE 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JULY 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • AUG 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
        • PLAY
      • SEPT 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • OCT 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • NOV 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • DEC 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
    • 2018 >
      • JAN 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB-MAR-APR 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JUNE 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • JULY 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • AUG 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • SEP 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • OCT 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • NOV-DEC 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • ANNIVERSARY 2018
    • 2019 >
      • JAN 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MARCH-APR 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
  • AUTHORS' NEW RELEASES
  • INTERVIEWS
  • REVIEWS

LINNEA COOLEY - TEN REASONS WHY I AM NOT INVITING CYNTHIA THOMAS TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY, MOM

9/5/2019

0 Comments

 
Linnea Cooley is an undergraduate poet and writer at the University of Maryland.  Her poetry appears in Neologism Poetry Journal, Boston Accent Lit, and Anti-Heroin Chic Magazine, among others. Her humor writing is forthcoming in Furious Gazelle. More of her work can be seen on her website, https://linneacooley.weebly.com

​Ten Reasons why I am not inviting Cynthia Thomas to my birthday party, Mom

Ten Reasons why I am not inviting Cynthia Thomas to my birthday party, Mom 
 
  1. When I got a new bike, Cynthia Thomas was the only one not to comment on it during recess. Really, Cynthia? Are you so above the simple pleasure of a brand-new, candy red, Princess Peddler with multi-colored tassels on the handlebars? 
  2. Cynthia thinks that water parks are "really fun." Oh really, Cynthia? What about waterborne illness and witnessing the ravaging effects of middle-age on parents in swimsuits is "really fun"? 
  3. In the cafeteria when Andrew Moorstetter said he got a tattoo, Cynthia actually believed him. God damn it Cynthia! Being gullible is so third grade. 
  4. Eleven is a big year, Mom. Don't I deserve a quality birthday party?
  5. In this economy, can we really afford an extra birthday guest? It's a slap in the face to Dad, who got laid off only a few months ago. Is it really wise to spring for an extra cupcake? An extra balloon? An extra goody bag full of assorted plastic toys? Are we to spend our savings on these extraneous goods while Father sits forlornly in the den, mourning the diminishing job market for elevator operators with debilitating claustrophobia? 
  6. Cynthia Thomas has the same last name as Olivia Thomas. Inviting Cynthia as well would be a logistical nightmare.
  7. Like all young scholars and academically inclined individuals, I hope to curate an intellectual discussion around my birthday party table. It's less of a birthday celebration, more of a Salon. That ambiance won't be possible if a blithering idiot like Cynthia Thomas is present.  
  8. Cynthia's parents are getting a divorce, and she's been really busy with that lately. She probably wouldn't be able to come to my party anyway; her family's been spending a lot of time in court. 
  9. Our kitchen table only has seven chairs. If you make me invite Cynthia, we will have to get another chair from the basement. 
  10. Birthdays are a sacred tradition to celebrate the fleeting passage of time. If we don't acknowledge that through a joyous and exclusive celebration, what is even the point? 

​
0 Comments

    Categories

    All
    ALEX DE CRUZ
    ALEX FITZGERALD
    ANDREW HART
    BLAED A. WOODLEY
    BRIAN YEAPLE
    CARISSA DIXON
    CAROLYN GEDULD
    CHARLES HAYES
    CHRIS COOPER
    CHUKWUDI RAPHAELMARY
    DANIEL SAUVE-ROGAN
    DEGEN HILL
    DON TASSONE
    DUKE HAWLEY
    ELISE DANIELLE IRWIN
    FLO W RYDER
    HARRISON ABBOTT
    IZOTZ ZUBIZARRETA INTXAUSTI
    JACKSON STREHLOW
    JAKE SHORE
    JAMES TUCKER
    JASON MARCHANT
    JEREMY BROYLES
    JERRY GUARINO
    JM SCOTT
    JOHN TAVARES
    JONATHAN FERRINI
    KARL LUNTTA
    KEITH BURKHOLDER
    KYLE BIERY
    LEWIS BRETT SMILER
    LINNEA COOLEY
    MARCUS LESSARD
    MARK MORGANSTERN
    MARKO MODIANO
    MATTHEW MCAYEAL
    MEHREEN IMRAN
    MICHAEL CAMPAGNOLI
    MIKE FIORITO
    M. Y. DOUGLAS
    NATALIE SINGLETARY
    NT FRANKLIN
    OSOKA CHIDINMA
    RANEE MCCOMBS
    ROXANNE JEWELL
    RYAN LAMB
    SEEKA ENDUROS
    SHARON SINGLETON
    STANLEY THOMAS
    TAFARI NUGENT
    TAMMY TROTTER
    T.D CALVIN
    TIM MILLER
    TOM UKINSKI
    XIAOCHEN SU

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • HOME
    • PRIVACY POLICY
    • ABOUT
    • SUBMISSIONS
    • PARTNERS
    • CONTACT
  • 2021
    • ANNIVERSARY
    • JANUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • FEBRUARY & MARCH >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
  • 2020
    • DECEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • AUG-SEP-OCT-NOV >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JULY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JUNE >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • MAY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • APRIL >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • MARCH >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • FEBRUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JANUARY >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • ANNIVERSARY
  • 2019
    • DECEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • NOVEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • OCTOBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • SEPTEMBER >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • AUGUST >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NONFICTION
      • ART
    • JULY 2019 >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • JUNE 2019 >
      • POEMS
      • SHORT-STORIES
      • NON-FICTION
    • ANNIVERSARY ISSUE >
      • SPECIAL DECEMBER >
        • ENGLISH
        • ROMANIAN
  • ARCHIVES
    • SHOWCASE
    • 2016 >
      • JAN&FEB 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Prose >
          • Essays
          • Short-Stories & Series
          • Non-Fiction
      • MARCH 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories & Series
        • Essays & Interviews
        • Non-fiction
        • Art
      • APRIL 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Prose
      • MAY 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Essays & Reviews
      • JUNE 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Reviews & Essays & Non-Fiction
      • JULY 2016 >
        • Poems
        • Short-Stories
        • Non-Fiction
      • AUGUST 2016 >
        • Poems Aug 2016
        • Short-Stories Aug 2016
        • Non-fiction Aug 2016
      • SEPT 2016 >
        • Poems Sep 2016
        • Short-Stories Sep 2016
        • Non-fiction Sep 2016
      • OCT 2016 >
        • Poems Oct 2016
        • Short-Stories Oct 2016
        • Non-Fiction Oct 2016
      • NOV 2016 >
        • POEMS NOV 2016
        • SHORT-STORIES NOV 2016
        • NONFICTION NOV 2016
      • DEC 2016 >
        • POEMS DEC 2016
        • SHORT-STORIES DEC 2016
        • NONFICTION DEC 2016
    • 2017 >
      • ANNIVERSARY EDITION 2017
      • JAN 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MARCH 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • APRIL 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JUNE 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JULY 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • AUG 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
        • PLAY
      • SEPT 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • OCT 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • NOV 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • DEC 2017 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
    • 2018 >
      • JAN 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB-MAR-APR 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • JUNE 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • JULY 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • AUG 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • SEP 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • OCT 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • NOV-DEC 2018 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • ANNIVERSARY 2018
    • 2019 >
      • JAN 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NONFICTION
      • FEB 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MARCH-APR 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
      • MAY 2019 >
        • POEMS
        • SHORT-STORIES
        • NON-FICTION
  • AUTHORS' NEW RELEASES
  • INTERVIEWS
  • REVIEWS