It is the test that I just can't solve
like a man trying to finish a Rubik's cube with no hands,
It is unsolvable
just when you think you understand something
it turns out you really knew nothing at all
so why do people go on
wailing and thrashing through time
the faster they go the faster time goes and then
bang it is finished and you lay there waiting for the death breathe to come
in fear for what you have never seen
at least most people haven't
how could they
they are too busy
they don't sit down and try and solve what it is they are really doing
they don't have faith that the wind can take you where you need to be to go
only then will you see like me that it cannot be solved but it can be what it is meant to be
I took a long look at myself in the toilet mirror
still not sure what I was, you think I would know after all these years
I walked out of the toilet and saw five pound drop to the floor
so I picked it up and kept shouting. "Mate, mate." but he kept walking.
I ran after him caught up with him and told him he had dropped it
As I walked back the man with his child told me I had done an honourable thing but if he wasn't there
I may have put it in my pocket and walked off
but still I wanted to go back to that mirror and say
"You see I am a good person after all."
Maybe the mirror gave me the test
I don't know I am beginning to think
it is all a test.
As I drive up the road
I see a man on a flat roof
he is like one of those Gormley statures.
He is perfectly still
as he looks out into the distance he does not move at all
could almost be dead
it is like he is looking at this land for the first time
it never existed before he got up on that roof
and now he doesn't want to come down
he is turned to stone
When I drive past later
I will see if he is still there looking for something that he will never find.
There is no feeling
like the feeling you get when you wake up at four in the morning
and know you are the only one alive
you could almost be dead yourself and not know it.
You start to think with a clarity that has alluded you your whole life
nothing to hold you back
and suddenly you want to build
brick after brick those words that speak out from the darkness
tell stories that no one will ever hear
but they shout out of the silence like alarm bells warn the sailors of the rocks that lurk underneath.
So you piece them together
and you know you are making something you don't know or need to know what it is you only find out when you finish
then you can stand back and see what it is
as if you knew before you started
then you look and know and see what it is
and for once you know what it is
The inner voice
I like the language that is in my brain
thoughts that seem so pure they could almost come from the sun or from an angel.
Sometimes I can almost speak them
get close to them that pure language
but you have to have an audience that wants to hear them.
That wants love
that wants something else.
The way you sometimes hear people on a stage they find it
the thoughts that can be spoken
and time stands still as people understand they have found something that is not of this world.
It is why I spend so much time there now
my thoughts are my best friend
For some strange reason I thought a of asking a woman if she would milk me
"I beg your pardon."
"You see I need milking even more than a friend. Friends are hard to find at my time of life."
"Did you say you want me to milk you."
"Well you only have to say no if you want, after al,l I only thought I would give it a try. She walked off shaking her head.