AQSA MUSTAFA - POEMS

Aqsa Mustafa identifies herself as a Pakistani novelist. Some sources claim her name literally means 'highest and biggest', and she has always found it much more satisfying to reach for the deeper meaning in everyday occurrences rather than to watch them occur like a passive bystander insisting on not being part of the play.
She says, "Written words are drops of heavenly nectar that God has nourished every man, women, and child with, but only a chosen few are entrusted with the ability to render them meaningful. Never betray the word."

Castle in the Clouds
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When the vase broke and the window in the background shattered,
I felt a rumbling in the foundations of my world;
Like thunderclouds crashing over an ocean of pain,
I felt the waves rise high and dive down.
It was in my head, that picture I created,
That vision I held dear and cherished in the night,
Our lives were as brittle as a thin sheet of ice,
And with the first step the ice broke.
I was standing at the edge of the road with my hair flying around my head,
My bags in my hand and an open door behind;
Home brightness spilt out and turned the wet cobblestones silver,
But your shadow never darkened the light.
I think of those times when we assembled these blocks,
When we put together our towers and turrets,
When the portcullis was strong and deep our moat,
When the castle walls were high and the enemy smote;
Our dreams were like rainbows with pots of gold,
Tantalizing plans and ideas bold,
Then the first wind came and the tower shingles fell,
You are I watched from the courtyard and didn’t help.
Now the keep has caved in and my crown lies in the dust,
A castle in the clouds has come to Earth,
It was one brick falling that started the end,
And both of us failed when we came to that bend.

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The End of a Story
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Fleeting dash of snow, dancing swirl of mist,
Crashing surf on shores afar, a dreamless sleep, a forgotten kiss,
A branch too high off the ground, leaves brushing my hand,
The floating cotton of a cloud, hiding shapes of a stranger’s muse,
I feel your touch in everything. 

Feet walking on paper thin glass, a ripple of water beyond the edge,
A light burning at the end of the tunnel, but the tunnel does not end.
Day beginning with a jump off a cliff, flying, crashing, crying, 
Wings straining through enemy winds, fighting, clawing, soaring.
I feel your eyes on me. 

Rushing up steep mountain sides, conquering far off peaks,
Touching the sky with a fingertip, feeling the ocean’s caress on my lip,
Riding the Eastern breeze till I meet the sun,
Holding on to my hair as I flew and spun. 
I wonder what you think now.

Memories in my head like autumn’s fallen leaves, 
Your laughter in my ear like Heaven’s secret breeze, 
A single thread of song I feel rising in my chest, your image, your vision, 
Your firm taps on my door a sharp shove to the head. 
I pull the blinds and stay silent. 

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Crown of Ash
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One step forward, feet like lead,
A crown of ash upon my head;
I know I’ve been here before, 
At the threshold of this closing door. 

Remember when you came to me?
When you held my hands and talked to me?
You had a tear in your right eye then,
A pearl sparkling in a dark, dark den. 

Fire and ash the world seems to love, 
To tear, to shred, to burn,
I looked for you when I turned my head,
You weren’t there beside my bed.

Listen, Heart! Desist, forget!
A flower one day has to wilt. 
I kept my fire burning and my lamp alight,
But you’ve lost your way in the night. 

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Asleep and Yet Awake

The ground is firm under my toes, anchor, reminder,
A breeze soft on my chin, clothes a whisper on my skin.
I’m still and yet I fly. 

Sweet darkness takes me under its wing, 
A comforting weight, the world pushed away. 
I’m afraid and yet free.

The monster under the bed knows my name, he asks me of my day,
The curtains twitch in a furtive dance, folds forming a familiar face.
I’m alone and yet besieged. 

When my eyes finally close, fists clenched and knuckles white,
The darkness lets the dreams come though, bright, vivid.
I’m blind and yet I see. 

Come now mermaids of silver tails, maidens of golden hair,
Knights of sharp, brave swords and dragons to take my breath away,
I’m still and yet I dance.

Time is slow and the world shifting fast,
A spell of delightful, agonizing visions,
I’m asleep and yet awake. 

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