JOHN ("JAKE") COSMOS ALLER - POEMS
John (“Jake” ) Cosmos Aller is a novelist, poet, and former Foreign Service officer having served 27 years with the U.S. State Department in ten countries - Antigua, Barbados, Dominica, Grenada, Korea, India, St Kitts, St Lucia, St Vincent, Spain and Thailand. and traveled to 45 countries during his career. Jake has been an aspiring novelist for several years and has completed two novels, (Giant Nazi Spiders, and the Great Divorce) and is pursuing publication. He has been writing poetry all his life and has published his poetry in electronic poetry forums, including All Poetry, Moon Café and Duane’s Poetree. (under the name Jake Lee). He is looking forward to transitioning to his third career – full-time novelist and poet after completing his second career as a Foreign Service officer, and his first career as an educator overseas for six years upon completion of his Peace Corps service in South Korea.
GOD DOES NOT TALK TO IDIOTS
There is another outrageous statement
From this preacher or that preacher
Saying that God spoke to them
And told them that Trump
Was anointed by God himself
And would bring us all to the promised land
Well I hate to bring it up
But felt that I must
If God exists
And is all powerful
Why would he waste his time
Talking to these idiot preachers?
And why would he anoint Trump
The most ungodly of all politicians?
How do these preachers know
It is God calling?
How did God talk to them?
On the phone? By email? By tweet
Or by visions or voices in their head?
Does God speak to them?
And what does God sound like?
Does he sound like Morgan Freeman?
Does he sound like Charleston Hesston?
Or Ned Flanders?
Or Homer Simpson?
Or just an annoying voice in your head,
Or just in your belly button or Phone??
Or are they just raving lunatics
Who think that God is calling them?
God does not in my opinion
Talk to idiots
Nor should he tolerate these fools any more
God does not send us hurricanes or tornados
To punish us
That is beneath his pay grade
God is God and is mysterious
And if he speaks to us at all
We surely do not understand
Anything he says
As we have surely screwed up
The teachings of his prophets
So I wish to end this by saying
Oh you false prophets
God is not calling you
And never has
Just SFTU already
GOD TALKS TO REV. BAKKER
Rev. Bakker says
When God says something to you,
you don’t always know the exact time it’s going to happen,” Bakker thundered.
“[So] stop beating up the prophets because God says,
‘Woe unto you when you beat up on the prophets.’”
God just called me up this morning with a message
Jake. This is God speaking
I loved your poem,
“God Does Not Talk to Idiots.”
God, I don’t even know if you exist
How did you get my number
I am God you idiot and know everything
Or course, God Sir.
What’s up your royal highness?
Just God would do for now, Jake
So Jake, I have a message for Rev. Bakker
And I want you to deliver it
You can email it in
As I am sure he will not like it at all
Why can’t you deliver it?
Because God roared
“I don’t talk to idiots.”
What’s the message?
Quit using my name in vain
Quit saying I call you
Quit saying I talk with you
I don’t know you from Adam
And I don’t like you
How dare you swindle 185 million dollars
From your followers
Using my good name
You sir are an asshole
And Satan has a room for you
Just confirmed it this morning
Oh my more thing, this article says
Bakker then threatened damnation on those who have ridiculed him over the years.
“If you don’t want to hear it, just shut me off,” Bakker said.
God laughed and said to me
I will shut him up for good for sure
And my TV is set to delete his face
Every time I turn it on
Tell him that as well
“Especially you folks that monitor me every day to try to destroy me.
And tell him that I am one of those who monitor him every day
And I do want to destroy him
He is bad for the whole brand you know?
Bakker went on to say
Just go away. You don’t have to be there, you don’t have to hear it. But one day, you’re going to shake your fist in God’s face and you’re going to say, ‘God, why didn’t you warn me?’
Tell him that is rich coming from such a con man
I have been warning people against these shysters
For centuries – it is in the bible after all
And He’s going say, ‘You sat there and you made fun of Jim Bakker all those years. I warned you but you didn’t listen
Yes Rev. Bakker warned you repeatedly ad nauseum
Until I wanted to vomit
But thought it would be best
to just let him rot in prison. Give him a taste of hell to come.”
“So Jake, will you accept this cosmic commission?”
Sure thing God.
And that ended my conversation with God
So Rev. Bakker, here’s the deal. God is angry at you
And your friends for misrepresenting the word of God
All these years and for ripping for the gullible
And living the high life getting rich off your believers
I’d repent of your sins I were you
and I’d follow God’s parting words
Finally just tell Rev. Bakker and his fellow false prophets
STFU before I smite you to Hell”
I have bad teeth
Really bad behaving teeth
All my life I have battled my teeth
And many crooked dentists
Have gotten rich off trying to fix
These damn crooked teeth of mine
I always wished I could have perfect teeth
Perfect athletic body
But instead I have crooked teeth
And an uncoordinated body to boot
Thus is my fate
And I have learned to accept
These damn crooked teeth
And my visits to crooked dentists
DENTAL TORTURE BLUES
Sitting in the dental chair
Undergoing dental surgery
While the dentist probes
And tortures me
With his instruments of pain
The Frank Zappa song plays over and over
The torture never stops
The torture never stops
And I think of the mad dentist
In Little House of Horrors
The Jack Nicolson character
Who screams Pain is good
As he assaults his patients
Doing root canals
And so I endure the torture
Of the dentist
In the vain hope
I can save my teeth
Until the next time
I undergo dental torture
The song faces away
And I slowly recover
Then as I leave
I am confronted with the bill
And the song roars back to life
The torture never stops
the torture never stops
MORE DENTAL BLUES