 John (“Jake” ) Cosmos Aller is a novelist, poet, and former Foreign Service officer having served 27 years with the U.S. State Department in ten countries - Antigua, Barbados, Dominica, Grenada, Korea, India, St Kitts, St Lucia, St Vincent, Spain and Thailand. and traveled to 45 countries during his career. Jake has been an aspiring novelist for several years and has completed two novels, (Giant Nazi Spiders, and the Great Divorce) and is pursuing publication. He has been writing poetry all his life and has published his poetry in electronic poetry forums, including All Poetry, Moon Café and Duane’s Poetree. (under the name Jake Lee). He is looking forward to transitioning to his third career – full-time novelist and poet after completing his second career as a Foreign Service officer, and his first career as an educator overseas for six years upon completion of his Peace Corps service in South Korea. GOD DOES NOT TALK TO IDIOTS Every day There is another outrageous statement From this preacher or that preacher Saying that God spoke to them And told them that Trump Was anointed by God himself And would bring us all to the promised land Well I hate to bring it up But felt that I must If God exists And is all powerful Why would he waste his time Talking to these idiot preachers? And why would he anoint Trump The most ungodly of all politicians? How do these preachers know It is God calling? How did God talk to them? On the phone? By email? By tweet Or by visions or voices in their head? Does God speak to them? And what does God sound like? Does he sound like Morgan Freeman? Does he sound like Charleston Hesston? Or Ned Flanders? Or Homer Simpson? Or just an annoying voice in your head, Or just in your belly button or Phone?? Or are they just raving lunatics Who think that God is calling them? God does not in my opinion Talk to idiots Nor should he tolerate these fools any more God does not send us hurricanes or tornados To punish us That is beneath his pay grade God is God and is mysterious And if he speaks to us at all We surely do not understand Anything he says As we have surely screwed up The teachings of his prophets So I wish to end this by saying Oh you false prophets STFU God is not calling you And never has Just SFTU already GOD TALKS TO REV. BAKKERRev. Bakker says When God says something to you, you don’t always know the exact time it’s going to happen,” Bakker thundered. “[So] stop beating up the prophets because God says, ‘Woe unto you when you beat up on the prophets.’” God just called me up this morning with a message He said, Jake. This is God speaking I loved your poem, “God Does Not Talk to Idiots.” God, I don’t even know if you exist How did you get my number I am God you idiot and know everything Or course, God Sir. What’s up your royal highness? Just God would do for now, Jake Okay. So Jake, I have a message for Rev. Bakker And I want you to deliver it You can email it in As I am sure he will not like it at all Why can’t you deliver it? Because God roared “I don’t talk to idiots.” What’s the message? Quit using my name in vain Quit saying I call you Quit saying I talk with you I don’t know you from Adam And I don’t like you How dare you swindle 185 million dollars From your followers Using my good name You sir are an asshole And Satan has a room for you Just confirmed it this morning Oh my more thing, this article says Bakker then threatened damnation on those who have ridiculed him over the years. “If you don’t want to hear it, just shut me off,” Bakker said. God laughed and said to me I will shut him up for good for sure And my TV is set to delete his face Every time I turn it on Tell him that as well “Especially you folks that monitor me every day to try to destroy me. And tell him that I am one of those who monitor him every day And I do want to destroy him He is bad for the whole brand you know? Bakker went on to say Just go away. You don’t have to be there, you don’t have to hear it. But one day, you’re going to shake your fist in God’s face and you’re going to say, ‘God, why didn’t you warn me?’ Tell him that is rich coming from such a con man I have been warning people against these shysters For centuries – it is in the bible after all And He’s going say, ‘You sat there and you made fun of Jim Bakker all those years. I warned you but you didn’t listen Yes Rev. Bakker warned you repeatedly ad nauseum Until I wanted to vomit But thought it would be best to just let him rot in prison. Give him a taste of hell to come.” “So Jake, will you accept this cosmic commission?” Sure thing God. And that ended my conversation with God So Rev. Bakker, here’s the deal. God is angry at you And your friends for misrepresenting the word of God All these years and for ripping for the gullible And living the high life getting rich off your believers I’d repent of your sins I were you and I’d follow God’s parting words Finally just tell Rev. Bakker and his fellow false prophets STFU before I smite you to Hell” BAD TEETH I have bad teeth Really bad behaving teeth All my life I have battled my teeth And many crooked dentists Have gotten rich off trying to fix These damn crooked teeth of mine I always wished I could have perfect teeth Perfect vision Perfect hearing Perfect athletic body But instead I have crooked teeth Bad vision Bad hearing And an uncoordinated body to boot Thus is my fate And I have learned to accept These damn crooked teeth And my visits to crooked dentists DENTAL TORTURE BLUES Sitting in the dental chair Undergoing dental surgery While the dentist probes And tortures me With his instruments of pain The Frank Zappa song plays over and over The torture never stops The torture never stops And I think of the mad dentist In Little House of Horrors The Jack Nicolson character Who screams Pain is good As he assaults his patients Doing root canals Without anesthesia And so I endure the torture Of the dentist In the vain hope I can save my teeth Until the next time I undergo dental torture The song faces away And I slowly recover Then as I leave I am confronted with the bill And the song roars back to life The torture never stops the torture never stops MORE DENTAL BLUES |
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