WILLIAM FEARBY - POEMS

I am 67 years old married for 47 years I have 3 grown up children I left school at 15 with no qualifications I have worked for the last 30 years in my own business I owned a pet shop a garden centre and a woodwork shop so I never had time for writing I had a serious illness 5 years ago so I closed my business's down on new years day 2013 that is when I started to write I write short stories and poetry  I wanted to leave my mark on the world that is why I picked up the pen I write for charities to raise awareness

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​I don't know your face

​For fifty years I have stood at your side
we shared everything we had nothing to hide
We lived a full life
We never really cared
But now, when I hold you
You act like you're scared
 
We talk all the time about the things that we did
We laugh and we joke and act like  little kids
But then, you turn to me and say, "What is this place?"
Why do you keep touching me?
I don't know your face
 
Please take me home, I don't like it in here
then, the smile on your face turns into fear
I try to console you but the harder I try,
you back into the corner and then, start to cry.
 
Don't you remember me? Look at my face
we have been married 50 years.
This is our place
we moved in to here when we were first wed
now, the fear in your eyes has now turned to dread
 
Help me, help me, somebody, please, take me home.
I don't like it here, please, leave me alone.
Why don't you listen?
I can't stand this place
I don't know your name, I don't know your face.
And then in an instant, you turn to me and say
I remember our wedding
it was raining that day,
you looked so handsome in your suit and tie
my heart felt so proud, I started to cry.
 
We danced all night to our favourite band
then, you kissed me held me and squeezed my hand
you promised me, you would love me forever more
as you carried me off the crowded dance floor
 
I wish I could remember your kind loving face
the way I treat you, I know it's a disgrace.
I'm sorry the way I doubt you
I love you so much
what would I do without you as my loving crutch?
 
I hope you understand that I don't mean what I say
when I treat you so cruel and I push you away
the good days I once had, are now fading so fast
all I have left now, is a love lost in the past.
 
 

​I couldn't stand the pain

​The clock on the wall shows a quarter to three
the old man sat crying while drinking his cold tea
his world has lost meaning since his love walked out
leaving him feeling empty, his heart full of doubt.
 
The rings on the tables, the stains on the floor
the strong smell of tobacco, the old creaking door
the memories of days spent when they were together
he always thought what they had, would last forever
 
how could he know it would all end up this way
he lost all his pride when he begged her to stay
their time had run out; there was nowhere to go
she left him a broken man with nothing to show
 
He sits at the table where they always sat
remembering the hours he spent at their flat
trying to make sense of what he had lost
his wifes walked out
now, he's counting the cost.
 
As the clock ticks on to twenty past four
he sits all alone just watching the door
hoping and praying that she may come back
oblivious of  time  and losing all track.
 
He lights up a cigarette straight after the other
and struggles to breath as he thinks of his lover
he cougths and splutters cold tea in his cup
a dark shadow stands over him
so, he looks up.
 
Standing over him, he sees his darling wife
and tells her, he has loved her all of his life
she says, I know dear, that's why, I am here
I have come to collect you, please have no fear.
 
And as his spirit leaves his body behind
she said, I didn't leave, i'm not that unkind
I had to go my darling, I tried so hard to stay
but God sent the angels and they took me away.
 
Now, we are reunited forever for the rest of our days
I promise, I will make it up to you in so many ways
and I swear, I will never leave you ever again
because if I lost you twice, I couldn't stand the pain.
 

​Who can I tell

I sit by my window to watch the world go by
it's not that I want to
I really don't know why
i'ts something I have always done since my teens
like only eating  pizza but never eating  greens.
 
It started when I first attended my senior school
I lied to my parents
why was I such a bloody fool?
It started with name calling
that wasn't so bad
I wish I had the courage to tell my mom and dad
 
The physical abuse started not  too long after that
when they beat me up and said keep your mouth shut twat
If you tell anybody, we will kick your fucking head in
what could I do? There was no way I could ever win
 
So I carried my secret all through my school life
taking the beatings and self- harming with a knife
I cut my wrists every night because I had no self -worth
I even took pills, so I could leave this cruel earth
 
Nobody knew what I was going through, a living hell!
I would sit in the classroom dreading the home time bell
because as soon as I stepped outside the school grounds
my tormenters and bullies would all gather around.
 
 
They would beat me and film it on their mobile phone
it got so bad i would fake illness so i could stay home
but in the end my mom wouldn't buy it so, she sent me back
my tormenters hunted me down like wolves in a pack
 
Constantly I wanted my life to come to an end
I was scared of everyone even my best friend
why does the world hate me, I can't understand why
I locked myself in my bedroom, so, no one could see me cry.
 
I went through this misery for five long years or more
when I left school I was frightened to go outside the door
so that is why I sit by my window watching the world go by
I am too scared to trust anybody and I don't want to try
 
My life has been ruined by my so called school friends
if i had only told someone my torment would have come to an end
instead I let the bullies dictate my lonely living hell
they are still doing it now but i have no one to tell.

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