TOLU DANIEL - THE SMALL MARGINS OF FRIENDSHIP

Tolu Daniel is a writer and editor. His essays and short stories have appeared on Catapult.co, The Nasiona Magazine, The Wagon Magazine, Prachya Review, Elsewhere Literary Journal, Expound Magazine, Bakwa Magazine, Saraba Magazine, Panorama Journal, Arts &  Africa and a few other places. Longlisted for the 2018 Koffi Addo Prize for Creative Nonfiction. He currently holds editorial positions with Afridiaspora, The Single Story Foundation Journal and Panorama Journal.

---

THE SMALL MARGINS OF FRIENDSHIP
​

​Every time the pre-wedding pictures of Toyin and her fiancé appears on my Facebook timeline, I would scroll past them with a speed that was both by reflex and also often off-handed. But moments after, my mind would travel back to imagine how Toyin would look in the photograph. I would imagine her smile, the way she revealed her little rabbit teeth, an endearment to me once a time. I would imagine the husband-to-be too; I'd put horns on his mustached face and color his face red like the devil. I would imagine how horror would punctuate Toyin's face as she looks at him and I would imagine her, terrified and screaming, I cannot marry this beast; I want to be with Yemi. But that's just my stupid imagination, nothing like that is happening. Instead, I am here at the venue of the stupid wedding, waiting for the groom to grow horns, waiting for Toyin to see that she was making a mistake, waiting for the preacher to ask for whoever does not want this two to be joined together. Waiting.

The preacher drones on and on and on till sleep grabs me by my balls. I am dreaming of owning wings and flying. I am hanging in the air, suspended in the cloud; I can feel the soft foams of the grey clouds pregnant with hail beside me. I can see the orange-ness of the June sun far on my left neatly tucked in between the clouds. I am lost in the subtle noise of my wings flapping and the soft breeze each stroke carries. It is obvious I am no longer inside the church. I am in the sky, looking down at the rusting red of the church roof which looks like a tiny dot amidst the many square and rectangular shaped roofing sheets scattered below. Abeokuta from up here looks like a set of titles with many rise and falls, long overhead bridges stood like models scattered below, each looking touchable.

I have an idea; I will save Toyin from the monster she's marrying. I will swoop in and sweep her out of the church, no one will notice till she's gone. It will be like a dream. So I prepare myself for the dive. I can feel the air take my body, especially my wings as I begin the head-first dive. As my altitude changes, so does the wind. The wind at the lower altitude is warm and coarse unlike the coldish one above. I am closer to the church now, diving. My view is changing with each plunge I take; the scattering of roofing sheets has changed from the random square tags to real straw patterned parallelograms. As I begin the final lap of my dive, a very wild wind comes out of nowhere and bruises my face and dirt particles enter my eyes. I try to blink the dirt away. For a moment, fear hugs me midair and I feel my wings retracting, I try to take control of them, but they keep retracting till they hang behind me useless. I am confused. Are the wings not supposed to be like my hands, an extension of my body? I touch them with my hands, still face forward. I don't want to lose the focus of my mission. The wings are gone, but I'm still diving head straight for the church. No. I am not diving anymore, I am falling.  Falling. Is this how people die?

Is there anyone who has a reason why this beautiful couple should not be joined today?  That is the voice of the preacher. Everything appears dark and blurry. My eyes feel heavy and pregnant with sleep. I can see the preacher clearly now, he is wearing a very large black suit with a tiny bow tie, he looks lost inside his clothes. I can see Toyin too; she's turning her over-painted face towards where I am. Her eyes are browsing through the crowd like she's looking for something, she sees me and allows her gaze to linger on me as if she is begging me or even daring me to disrupt her wedding. I am not returning her look, instead I am wondering how I am not injured or dead, juxtaposing between reality and dream. I am examining my body. I can't tell if I'm still dreaming or not. No I'm not dreaming, this is real life, Toyin's wedding. And I am here to cause mischief.

This is my chance to talk and instead of raising my hands and stopping the wedding like I had imagined since I got the invitation, I am thinking about how real the dream I just had was, how I was flying, how I almost died before I was saved by the boring voice of the preacher. What happened to my wings? How can I care about the damned wedding when I could fly in my dreams?

Speak now or forever hold your peace. The voice of the preacher intrudes into my thought again, this time in a forceful way. I feel tears crawl out of my eyes like spiders from a hole and throw themselves down the cliffs of my cheeks all the way to my mouth. I taste their saltiness and watch the groom, through eyes blurred by tears whisper to his bride with the congregation's accompanying applause since no one stood up to disrupt the wedding. I wish I were brave enough to throw them into confusion. What fun that would be. What the hell am I doing here? I thought I whispered. The person sitting next to me, a gloomy man with a scruffy beard that surrounded his mouth as though they might encroach beyond his lips, turns to me and sent his elbow into my belly as if I had intruded on his private thoughts. I whisper my apologies and turn my face towards the couple, not caring about the different punctuations his face was making.

I scan through the long people-filled hall of the church and wonder if there was someone who could understand the dream I just had if I told it to them. If any of the sad looking pastors who sat behind the preacher at the pulpit would give me an interpretation if I asked them. The layers of white plastic-of-Paris designed ceiling held steady an army of crystal bulb holders which glistened as the blue lights of the bulbs sparkled in unison to illuminate the hall.

My eyes continue its roam, looking from person to person. From colorful Gele to Gele, from black eyelashes to red colored lips to grim faces bored by the monotony of the voice of the preacher like me. None had the wild look of someone who could own answers to the kind of questions that burnt me. I close my eyes and allow my memory of that July afternoon when I first met Toyin in our school auditorium during a general course to swallow me.

She sat on the seat I had momentarily vacated for a quick conversation with my friend Ade on the other side of the auditorium. On my return, I asked her to please move and she had loaded all her irritation into her eyeballs and unleashed the look that would send me spawning in search of another seat. The next time I saw her, she was emerging from Ade's room with one of my shirts which Ade had borrowed and not returned previously, her long legs starting where the shirt stopped on her body.

She had not spared me any notice as I spoke with Ade that night although half my mind had divorced me to follow every of her movements in the house. Ade didn’t talk about her even when I asked him for information. For him, she was just another girl who liked to fuck him since he wasn't offering any form of commitment. From our first meeting till we left the university, I couldn't get Toyin to talk to me, it was as if she hated me.

As the years flew and boys grew to men, Ade got married and I as his best man on the altar of the church on his wedding day learnt that being the best man involved more than looking dapper and standing behind the groom. You also had to take on such duties as regards averting trouble especially if the groom had a notorious penis like Ade did. I was the one who saw Toyin's rainbow face from the altar. She had been crying, she had perhaps not been told about the wedding. The folks, who sat around her, wore their scorns of disapproval like a crown but the girl didn't seem to care. Ade, on noticing who it was, tilted his head backwards and asked me to go handle it. I wanted to protest about how my disappearance could affect the order of things but then I remembered that it wasn't I who was getting married and so I wasn't important.  And there I was, on my way into the midst of our several witnesses who on seeing me leave my seat, redirected their gazes of scorn at me, bearing their eyes, their judgments and assumptions about the situation on me as I invited the girl outside the auditorium while the priest led the couple to exchange their vows.

I had sat with her, fumbling the little curls at the back of her short hair as she soiled my ivory suit with tears. Sniffing and swallowing in between muffled sentences. Her skin was the texture of water. I listened to her tears and nodded to her muffles as though I understood. I didn't dare say anything, I was furious with Ade who had assured me he had severed all ties with all of his many girls prior to his wedding but it was apparent this one had not gotten the memo but an invite to his wedding instead. I had wondered then why she got so hurt if the arrangement between them had just been sex.

I really love him, how could he do this to me? She had asked rhetorically, looking into my eyes as though she was searching for a confirmation of her declaration there. It was the first of her sentences I heard clearly. Her eyeballs were streaked with reddish thunderbolts; her nose was big and flowing with tiny streams of mucus. I wondered if she was looking into my eyes or if she was staring beyond my face as her head bobbed like waves of the ocean to the sound of her voice. I watched her hairless brows crease into two different shapes while her eyes kept birthing tears intermittently. I felt for her, I got closer and drew her in for a hug, she resisted.

He's a bastard you know, she said to me later. I nodded. We were seating at the deserted children's section of the church. Little green plastic chairs were huddled on one side of the room, a wooden table and a long ruler were the only other occupants of the room asides us. I wondered if she knew how many girls had told me at differing instances the same words she was repeating about Ade. Of course Ade was a bastard, I felt like saying, but if I said it out loud, what does that make me, I wondered.

Liking Toyin was easy; I had liked her since our school days despite her insistence on being a jackass to me. I was surprised when she agreed to go on a date with me about two months after the wedding. We had been exchanging calls and texts since the wedding. Minutes into the date, my excitement betrayed me. It was weird. I need a bit of time to heal but I will be your girlfriend, she declared out of nowhere. It sounded like a rhetorical declaration. I wasn’t confused but my face didn't house the kind of excitement she expected either. Isn't that what you want? She asked again, her face punctuated by a frown this time. The burger I was chewing refused to go down my throat as I attempted to swallow it. Of course I wanted it, but I had not imagined the ambush on our first date. The declaration felt intrusive.

The sound of the church bells clinging and clanging awoke me from my reverie. The closing procession had begun and the congregations had arisen and were singing "To God be the glory". I struggled to my feet. I saw the couple smiling at people as they walked out the door. Their bridal train of men and women in ugly purple gowns and black suits following in their tail wearing long wearied faces like people who had been deprived of days of sleep. I imagined I was the one leading her out. I wondered how I would look in a mirrored suit of the groom. A black tuxedo with a long tail and those shinny wet-looks shoes on his feet. I wondered if the church would have managed this crowd if I was him considering I hadn't attended enough weddings for people to have a debt of attendance to pay.
 
***

We dated. I was happy but she never was, for most of the time. Ade had been against our union of course. He would later tell me that he wasn't done with her. I pleaded with him to respect his marital vows and leave Toyin alone but he would not listen. He kept seeing her. People around us started gossiping about them. One time, on my way to Toyin’s apartment, one of her neighbors, a woman with a nose bigger than her face, who was stranded by the road insisted that I must witness something. She claimed she had only just left the house before the rain stranded her where I picked her and so she wanted to wait for the rain to be calm before heading back home. I was driving from work that day, it was raining. I saw the woman standing by the road, her clothes hugging the contours on her sagging body due to the windy rain. I opted to help her. I had seen her a few times whenever I visited Toyin. As soon as she entered my car, her mouth started running with commentaries I would later regret listening to. I didn't want to oblige her that day but as I was about dropping her in front of the house, I saw Ade breaking out of an embrace with Toyin and entering his own car under the shade of an umbrella. A streak of jealousy ran a marathon inside me but I kept driving. Kept my face down and pretended all was well even when Ade honked his car at me as he drove off.

It was nothing I wasn't expecting. I had been dating Toyin for almost five months as at the time, but we had not yet found the right kind of connection which would induce anything physical. We were not sleeping together or anything. We'd occasionally go out on dates where awkwardness made itself our third wheel. We were like two siblings who just learnt that they were not related trying to forge a relationship. Our dates always began and ended with questions and silences. I'd spend half the time in my head trying to figure out what she wanted. On really good days, she'd answer my queries with 'I don't know'.

Usually, within this three-worded reply were a myriad of body languages that I always tried to decipher to no success. I began to grow weary of her. But even at that, I wouldn't entertain any of the stories I heard about her cheating on me with Ade even though I had seen them together. Meanwhile, Ade's wife Bola, who I always thought Ade shouldn't have married because I thought she deserved better became closer to me. Asides Ade, we shared interests in gospel music and politics. Whenever I visited their house, we'd spend our time talking about the latest events in world politics and music. Sometimes she'd report Ade to me about how he was keeping late nights and coming home exhausted. I'd tell her that I would speak with Ade while publicly scolding him in front of her to earn her smile. She was a sweet soul and I begrudged Ade on his luck with her. On some nights, I'd tell her about Toyin and I'd spend rest of the night listening to her ideas on how to win Toyin over totally.

Bola suggested that she'd befriend Toyin on my behalf, even though I thought it was a bad idea, I allowed it because one could never really successfully say no to her. She asked that I invite Toyin over for dinner. One dinner, she said and I will have her worshipping you. If only Toyin was that easy or predictable, I wondered. I assumed Toyin might not be too excited by the idea but again, I was surprised at how fast her answer to come came. Everything was going well, asides Ade who was occasionally fidgety in his replies to the queries that went at him; nothing was out of place that night. After dinner, Ade and I moved to the sitting room where we bantered about who the better footballer was between Alexis Sanchez and Eden Hazard since I was a Chelsea fan and he being an Arsenal fan couldn't imagine any other player better than his precious Alexis. The ladies were by themselves, I worried about Toyin but from the tiny looks I exchanged with Bola, it seemed everything was going fine.

When the night was over, we said our goodbyes and left Bola and Ade's house. I drove Toyin to her apartment and earned a peck as she was about getting out of the car. It was as shocking as the teasing smile that made itself resident on her face since we left Ade and Bola's apartment. As she told me goodnight, I stayed frozen in my car telling myself that perhaps the night had gone perfectly and made a mental note to get Bola a gift.

I wasn't prepared for the kind of ambush that awaited me at Ade's house two days after. Bola informed me that Toyin had been very hostile and she had accused her of stealing her husband from her. Bola being ignorant of what Toyin might have been talking about, assumed she was talking about me and suggested that we stopped seeing each other so much. Of course, I apologized on Toyin's behalf but I was more puzzled about Toyin's audacity to come make such a declaration at Ade's house. The more I thought about it the more comfort I lost. I began to feel like a pawn in Toyin's chess game.

A week after, I told Toyin I wanted a break. We were at a Chinese restaurant in Kuto, I had spent most of the week thinking about it as the week burnt out. I wasn't making her happy and in fairness to myself, I was tired of trying. She stared at me as if she had not heard what I said; her stare was stony and tranquil and revealed no emotion. I expected the stare to break slowly and perhaps turn into a smile since it didn't seem like she was happy being in a relationship with me. We were the only occupants of our booth at the restaurant as the white and black dressed waiters and waitresses walked up and about.

Asides the movement of her eyelids, she didn't express any other visible emotion. She didn't smile, she didn't frown. I was relieved and thankful at what I assumed to be a drama-less breakup. I am sorry, she said in what sounded more like a whisper. It was so inaudible, I wondered if the words actually came from her mouth. I paused and wondered, confused at the reason for the apology. A tiny housefly flew in at that moment and settled on her shoulder, calmly making itself a third entity in the booth as if it could hear what we were talking about. I wondered what she was sorry for, maybe it was for cheating on me with my best friend, or for not giving me a chance to show her that I was worthy of her affections too. But despite my anger with her, I found myself feeling sorry for her. I am sorry too, I replied. I know I have been the reason for your unhappiness and I think it is enough. I noticed her gaze which seemed to be on the house fly which had migrated to the collar of my own shirt, freeze as she tried waving it away and refocusing her eyes on me. It's not your fault Yemi, I'm really sorry I have made you to start feeling this way, she said with her face suddenly awash with tears, the last time I saw her like this was at Ade's wedding. I promise to be better for you. I swear. I swear. She says grabbing my hand from the table.

I looked around and paused and dropped the iron spoon which I was using to scoop the pepper soup into my mouth on the serving tray. The steaming fish pepper soup in front of me lost its appeal to me then. I pushed it aside and reached out for her other hand on the other side of the table so both our hands could touch each other. Her fingers felt smaller in mine and warm and moist. Her head was bowed as she kept weeping. She had not touched her own pepper soup, it was still covered with a transparent nylon and one could see the different sizes of fish peering from inside the ceramic bowl. What do you want of me, Toyin? I asked, my hands still holding hers across the table.

I want us to start over, she said. I quizzed this over my mind. I really didn't want to let her go. But I was drowning in her silence; I was dying a daily death in frustration. Are you sure? I asked while using my fingers to remove the tears she was soiling her face with. Yes, she whispered with the voice that didn't sound like hers, looking into my eyes and grabbing my hands. Her grip was firm but yet slippery. I know I have been distant, Yemi.  I shouldn't have agreed to date you when I did, but I don't want you to leave me now, I promise I will be better this time. I felt like debating what she said about agreeing to date, I felt like reminding her that she was the one who suggested it but I didn't.

I replayed her words in my head in the moment, over and over and over and over till it strained and I could not make out her sentences again, like one who was lost in a timeless loop. Her voice sounded acidic, like a vibration piercing into my heart and holding it down, forcing my lungs to collapse and my body to jerk as though I was unto death. I removed my hand from her grip carefully and put my head on the table trying to grab as much air as I could. The restaurant and the paintings on the wall collapsed around me. I was having an asthmatic attack, my first in years....Yemi...Yemi...Yemi. I heard my name outside my body and I felt the air around me go still as though oxygen had been exhausted in the restaurant. For about ten to fifteen minutes I was out. I was thankful my inhaler was close by.
 
***



When Tito, Toyin's younger sister called and asked that I come to Toyin's wedding, my automated answer should have been no. But I had allowed myself to be seduced by the eventuality of seeing Toyin again. Click. Click. Click. Camera men, clicked away, making new memories with different kinds of cameras. Nikon, Canon and even smart phones. Toyin and her husband smiling cheek wide, both their teeth wide, glistening like toothpaste models. People joining them for photographs.

I ignore Tito's signal to me to join them for a photograph.  I am still troubled about my dream. I move far from where the couple is taking their photographs to find a place to sit. I find a seat by the belfry. I should leave now but it wouldn't feel right, I should say goodbye to Tito at least. I watch the scenes of the photo sessions from where I am seated; the photographer was telling them how to pose. The couple had their backs turned to the closed rear doors of the church, the door was designed with paintings of shepherds visiting little baby Jesus, who lies still in the bushy manger by his mother, the holy Mary. I was lost in my judgment of whether or not the photographer was coordinated since his voice was unnecessarily high-pitched and he was holding the camera in really weird angles. I didn't know when Tito appeared by me.



***



After the episode at the restaurant, Toyin became a different person with me, her laughter sometimes reverberating to nuisance levels whenever I told her some of my awful jokes. She even became friends with Bola and they would spend so much time together in the kitchen whenever she visited with Ade that I would hope Toyin does not begin spilling to her again. Ade never changed his behavior towards me, not even when I confronted him about sleeping with my girlfriend. He only apologized and begged me not to tell his wife, as if I was the sort of person who could do something so shitty.

On the night of our first anniversary, Toyin proposed marriage. I was disillusioned to the point of shock. I had been thinking about it too but I still wasn't sure about her. Despite the metamorphosis, I still battled with trying to deal with her bursts of aggression whenever we had any disagreement, how quick her soft palms found their place on my cheeks in dazing and resounding slaps and the ensuing follow up scratches and outpour of curses as though they were soldiers awaiting orders. After such episodes, she'd apologize endlessly, crying and begging me not to leave her.

I was in love, I could take anything insofar I could still be with her. I told her Yes and that night for the first time, we made love. She fucked me as though she was possessed. Occasionally rolling her eyeball into the back of her sockets and scratching my chest wildly while moaning at the top of her voice, scaring me shit-less as though I was hurting her.

Over the coming months, we began planning the wedding, choosing the dates and all whatnots. She suggested that we moved in together. My apartment wasn't big enough but I conceded despite it not being in my immediate plans, I rented a bigger place. The month she moved in with me, things took a change in my business. Suddenly people started patronizing me more. So I busied myself with expansion plans that I had put on hold since the inception of the business. I opened up two more material shops; I was selling simple building materials like upholstery and plumbing implements. I added the sales of roofing sheets and ceilings to the regular things I sold before. Sales boomed.

Toyin would even tease me about how the only reason God was blessing my business was because I said yes to her. She would take responsibility for my breathing too if I allowed her. But despite these, I tried as much as I could to avoid conversations around the wedding. I didn't even contact any member of my family about her. She knew my parents lived in the United States.

She nagged me into buying her a ring. I couldn't complain, I figured she deserved a ring since she had taken the lead with the proposal. So I bought her one. I had met her dad a few times already, even her mother on the numerous family events she had forced me to going with her. The only person I had not met at the time was her younger sister, Tito. She lived in Abuja and had not been home since she left for her service year about a year to the time.

She would come home eventually and our first meeting would turn out a disaster. I had just returned from the shop, Toyin didn't tell me we had a guest. As I entered the house, I called out to her to announce my arrival as was my ritual and received no answer. Then I heard the shower running, so I went into the bathroom and to my horror I found Tito fully unclad. Though the difference between both of them wasn't so obvious, I figured I had just beheld a stranger. Tito was just about two years younger than Toyin.

She didn't seem as shocked as I was. Toyin went to the store down the road to get some rolls for the toilet. I am Tito her younger sister, she said as she stretched her hands for a shake. I stood rooted to the spot, frozen. When I regained my senses, I apologized and scrambled out of the bathroom. From then, I'd avoid her every chance I got. She didn't seem to mind, as it happened, she was very free with her body. She'd walk around the house scantily dressed at any given time. Toyin would just laugh at me whenever I complained. How do you cope with my sister? Tito says to me one afternoon. The question just came out of her mouth with so much ease as if it wasn't blasphemy. I figured I could smart my way out of it with an easy truth of my own. Your sister is the best thing in my life right now.

For real? She said with her face contorting into several forms and I nodded. I could see mischief playing around her lips before the next comment that was to emerge from her mouth would begin. Your life must suck. So who beats who? She asks. No one, we are not into that kind of kinky stuff, I answered with a laugh that came only from the roof of my mouth and bowed my head avoiding her face. She narrowed her gaze and took the remote control and started flipping the channels on the television. If you ever want to talk about it, I know how to listen.

I didn't answer her; I gathered myself and left her in the sitting room. I figured that mischief ran in their family and I wasn't going to entangle myself in one of their games. Besides, Ade had warned me to be careful with Tito since I told him about walking in on her in the bathroom.
 

***


Yemi, you ignored all my signals. You are such a heartbreaker, Tito says feigning anger. You can't keep this up you know? I slept during the service; the preacher's voice was like a sleep drug, I say to her in reply, there was no point defending myself. Tito's laughter rang out like the church bell that hung conspicuously above us inside the belfry. I dreamt of flying, and then I lost my wings. The laughter which had left its residue on Tito's face vanished and her face assumed straightness. Was the sermon that bad? She asks.

It was worse, actually. I resisted every urge to scream and tear myself out of there.  I say to her. I couldn't sit still, mom kept sending me on errands. You could have used the company. I am sorry about everything Yemi. I look at her; I wished I cared about her sorry or anyone's. Thank you, I say.


***



I called my mom and told her about Toyin, I assumed she would be excited since this was my first time of approaching her with something like this. I told her I had even proposed and her parents were waiting for me to come do the honorable thing by the way of introduction. Are you sure about this girl? She asked, I could hear the concern hidden inside the question. Of course I am Mom. I said to her. Marriage is not as easy as most of you young people think it is. Yemi have you been praying? She asked again. This was why I always avoided talking to her about anything, because of her insistence on sermonizing or bringing up such topics like prayers as if one cannot be practical about the consequences of one's decisions.

When I was growing up, my parents as intellectuals had not encouraged me to chase after any form of religion since neither of them believed in organized religion, dad was always criticizing the pastors that appeared on our television screens preaching in their thousands of dollars suits and fake miracles. Mom was no different; she would sometimes challenge our more religious relatives to a duel on morality whenever those ones made the mistake of inviting her over to their places of worship. However, as they both grew older, their perception of life changed with them, especially my mum who retired as an Assistant Professor of Philosophy. They both became tiring religionists. Usually, on days like this, when she insisted on making her point on the basis of God, I'd engage her in debates that may not end till either of us ran out of airtime to call.

Oluyemi, there are no other substitutes for God, not reason or logic; she went on to say as if she could read my mind. I know you don't agree with me but on the issue of marriage, I won't give support to something God hasn't given me the go ahead to support.

I kept quiet, allowing the static of the phone line to ease into the space between us. It wasn't like I didn't believe in prayers or in God or any of those things, I just didn't agree with mother's notion of continuous badgering of God for answers I can use my brains to birth. Besides, what’s with her insistence on not subjecting this discourse to a rational exercise? I believed in God or at least I try to, it was not always like that, but I liked to assume that my belief should always count for something.

Marriage isn't a random thing one jumps into, you have to be sure you have the spiritual leeway for the long haul.....Mom, you know I don't necessarily believe in that long haul thing. I replied cutting her off before she finished making her point.

It’s still not a reason why you shouldn't pray about it. You know what? What is the lady's name, if you won't pray, I will.

Oluwatoyin Bolaji, I told her the name more out of duty than anything. I knew she wasn't just going to pray with the name, she was also going to deploy her minions for research to find out who Toyin was, where she schooled, who her parents were and all that jazz. As I ended the call with my mom I felt a kind of relief saunter through me. I had played the conversation over and over in my head before placing the call through. This outcome was one of several possible ones which this was more manageable than the others. Since I couldn't get a hold of my dad, mom said she'd inform him of the news. I wondered how her delivery would be like, I wondered the things she'd leave out when she spoke with him and I wondered if my dad would be amused about my decision to get married.



***



The vehicles that would convey the bridal train to the venue of the reception arrives. Three dark Toyota Prado Jeeps which were decorated with long ribbons and balloons and all the wedding goodwill jargon parked side by side like a presidential convoy. The confetti ladies took one, the groom’s men took another and the bride and groom were about entering the last one when they noticed that the little bridesmaid and the ring bearer had both disappeared. There is a little scramble to find them.

Nibo lawon omoyi wa? Toyin discards her veil and the artificial bouquet of flowers unceremoniously by the curb at the entrance of the church where she just smiled for the cameras and begins to cuss at the driver of the Prado Jeep which was supposed to ferry her and her husband to the venue of the reception. The driver was trying to hurry her because according to him people were getting restless at the reception. Toyin's husband held her steady as she was about to launch at the man's face in what would have been a heavy slap. I watched as she clawed the air impatiently and wondered what I would have done in that instance if I was her husband; would I have been able to stop her?

Tito left my side when the scramble began. Her mum had beckoned on her to help look for the missing kids. I felt useless just sitting by the belfry watching everybody tear and scream about. So I stood up and scanned through the huge premises of the church. The space was emptying out quickly.  People were driving out the gate and towards the reception venue which was about six blocks down the road. I walked inside the auditorium of the church again since it was the only place everyone seems to have forgotten to check as they tore about the church premises.
 
The auditorium without people in it felt like a different place. The pews lined in two columns endlessly like soldiers in a parade. The windows came alive to me suddenly as if I had not seen them before, huge and majestic with paintings of a half naked Jesus hanging crucified on the cross. I walked to the front of the church auditorium to the area where the bridal team had sat during the service and there snoring peacefully, I found the two little kids.

I thought about calling out for the bozos looking for them outside but I changed my mind as I picked them up, one after the other, carrying both kids with either side of my arms, none even waking despite the movement. I started moving towards the big door at the rear entrance of the auditorium and then I remembered the dream again. But this time, it was the fall that was slipping into my consciousness—the fall I hadn't remembered. The windows I had not taken too much notice of before, the one I noticed as I reentered the auditorium minutes ago, flashed before me like I was in the dream again, the windows, the face of Jesus lying helpless to a side and suddenly opening his plastic eyes and staring at me as if accusing me of something I couldn't figure as I crashed into the auditorium face first.

What are you doing with those kids? I hadn't blacked out but yet, I couldn't make out a body to attach to the voice I heard. The voice was one I knew well, one that held memories and familiarity in times past. I remembered the voice but couldn’t recognize it immediately perhaps because of the warning ring that latched itself to its projection. I am taking them to those looking for them outside.

Thank you. I heard the voice say. It was a gratitude-less kind of thank you. A kind of thank you with an accusation attached to it. I knew who it was as at then, if I wasn't sure about it before, I was sure now. Ah... Toyin. I said. Congratulations. I'm so happy for you. I said offhandedly.

She walked into my line of sight. The orange sun in the sky outside sent a ray to the multicolored window of the church to demarcate the space between the two of us. I could see how sweat had washed the makeup on her face to a collage. She looked like a painting of a face on a canvas. Her eyes held many accusations like what are you doing here? Why did you show up at my wedding uninvited? Tito sent me the invite. I said before she found her voice. I didn't come here to cause any trouble, I came to wish you well.

Oh you did. It didn't look like the words came out of her mouth. Her fake lashes made more efforts at moving than her mouth.

I just want to hand the kids over and get out of here. I said and made to move towards the door at the end of the isle. Just then, the door cracked open and a face peeked in.

Ooh you found them Yemi. You are such a lifesaver. Tito walked in and gave me half a hug careful not to awake the sleeping kids as she led me out with the kids. Toyin stood at the spot she was in before. She didn't move or follow us out. Her shadow on the floor was the length of my walk to the door. I thought I heard a sniffle; maybe that was what I wanted to hear. She didn't reply Tito when she told her that everyone was ready to leave for the reception.



***


You didn't tell me you were cohabiting with the girl. That was my mom on the phone. You know it is a sin right? I was getting tired of her continuous complaints.

Did your God reveal that to you mum? I asked irritated, annoyed with the way she had begun the conversation. She didn't even greet me or ask how I was or anything. I was restless at the spot where I sat making the call. So I stood up and paced the length of the room with the phone pressed to my right ear. I had been waiting for her call for almost five days; it seemed that she wouldn’t call. So I reached out to my dad instead, his phone kept ringing without a reply. So I decided to call my mum after suffering through hundreds of annoying comments from Toyin about my readiness for the introduction, my own mother was now doing this to me.

Don’t be silly. You shouldn't be living with a girl at your age. If she gets pregnant nko?
 
I am old enough to take responsibility for such actions, mum. Can you drop it? Are you coming home for the introduction or not? I thought about the money I had expended on the preparations, also the assurances I had given Toyin's dad about the readiness of my parents to come meet them and prayed silently that my mum would drop this act and allow us to move on.

I don't think so Yemi. If you will be rude to me because of this girl, then I don't think your marriage to her deserves my blessings. I laughed as she finished talking, it was a dry laugh, it held no emotions or reason. I shouldn’t have expected anything less from my mum, she had a PhD in subtle blackmail. She'd been doing it to me and my dad since I was a kid.

I tried to find reason and convinced myself that I was projecting it the best way. Mum, you are being dramatic. I am only trying to make you see that these things are not that complicated.

My spirit does not agree with that marriage jo. I hear she even beats you and sometimes embarrasses you in public. There was a long silence, about ten or fifteen seconds worth of quality silence before I found my voice. I wasn't sure about how to defend myself.

Mum, that's not true.

When have I ever been wrong about these things? Yemi, you shouldn't marry that girl.

So you are not coming then. What about Dad?

Looks like your mind is made up then.

No mum, my mind isn't made up. You've not even met her yet. You don't know her; you are not trying to...
 
I know everything I need to know. I don't need to know anything more.

No you don't mum. Is dad coming?

He is not. Yemi you must not marry that... I ended the call. I could feel the beginning of an asthmatic attack brewing. I ran into my room and grabbed my inhaler.
 
I was gasping for breath, my vision was blurring as I made the effort into the room, I didn't imagine anyone could be in the house, I'd just arrived from the shop when my mom finally picked her phone. As I entered the room, it was Tito who scrambled out first, her long legs carrying her slim body as she brushed past me; Ade was on my bed butt naked with his crotch firmly inserted in the back side of my love, my life.
 
Rage ran a marathon inside me and knocked me out; I wish I never had to wake.
 
***
As I emerged with the kids and Tito from the door of the church, there was uproar of thanks from the folks who had been running around looking for them, even the orange sun in the sky joined by sending a ray so bright in homage. Toyin's mum smiled her thanks at me from afar. She was standing with Toyin's father who had sworn about ending me the day he sees me around any of his daughters again. That was the first time she had allowed herself to look at me. For most of the service that morning, whenever my eyes sorted her out, she always looked away. I figured she must have been torn between her two daughters, who does one believe when issues like mine and Toyin comes visiting.



 

Images courtesy of Sefunmi Adeola.