RICHARD JEAN - SELF-BLAME

Richard Jean currently attends Full Sail University, he intends to graduate with his bachelor's degree in creative writing and take up a career in animation and film. 

​Self-blame 

​     He felt in his bones something wasn’t right. Leaving the house, he knew he shouldn’t have left without clearing things up. Darnell had just come off a career ending injury. Prior to that, he was the star of his high school basketball team. He suffered a knee injury that caused him to miss the finals. Sasha, his girlfriend, had always stuck by his side and vice versa.
 
     Sasha had a rare heart disease that had always caused Darnell to want to stick by her side. Through thick and thin. But this day was different. Darnell never liked to argue with her. But it was unavoidable. She had accused him of cheating with one of the cheerleaders.
     
      “Babe, I swear nothing happened, I was just helping her with homework.” Darnell grasped his face. Sarah stormed past him, rambling on about the situation.
“I saw how she was looking at you, that wasn’t very friendly.” Sasha fought back tears in every word she spoke.
This continued for almost another half hour. Darnell decided to storm off before things got out of hand.
 
    Sitting at practice, he felt he should have called. Went back to check on her, or something. Midway through the practice, one of the teachers came storming through the gym doors. “Coach!” The teacher stumbled in frantically.
“What seems to be the problem?” The Coach looked up from the playbook confused.
 
           “We need Darnell, it’s an emergency.” The teacher pointed in Darnell’s direction
Darnell looked up overhearing his name. The coach approached Darnell slowly. Before the coach got to Darnell, he stood up. “What seems to be the problem coach?” Darnell’s voice cracking with fear.
      “It’s Sasha… she’s in the hospital,” The coach looked away fearing to look Darnell in the face.
            His body froze. His spine felt as though it was slowly breaking off, piece by piece. Darnell couldn’t get any words out. He just ran past the coach. He jumped into his car and began driving. His mind racing, millions of different scenarios racing through his mind. He cut through traffic. The wind beat across his face. Slicing through the wind, he finally made it to the hospital.
 
      The closer he got to the doors, the worse he felt. He began to blame himself for the current situation. If only he had made up with her sooner, maybe she wouldn’t have needed to go to the hospital. “Hello Doctor…. Ramirez” Darnell read her badge frantically.
“Yes, are you here visiting?” Doctor Ramirez asked.
  “Sasha Bennett?” Darnell could only get out her name. The doctor wrote him up a pass and gave him Sasha’s room number.
   Going up the elevator, Darnell tried to clear his mind to the best of his abilities if no success. He approached the room. The vibe the hospital gave off did not help. Old gurneys and desperation could be smelt from the entrance. Darnell walked in and saw her. Her body looking limp.
 
    “Hey babe.” Sasha looked over, seeing Darnell standing in the entrance. Darnell walked to the bed slowly. “How… when did… are you okay? I’m so sorry I left how I did.” Darnell dropped his head in shame.
“Listen. I’m only here for a regular monthly check up. This isn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself for everything when it comes to me. I’m a big girl who can handle herself.” Sasha grabbed Darnell’s face reassuring him she was fine.
Darnell’s heartbeat slowed a little. A little bit of the guilt was lifted off of his shoulders. “I promise not to leave your side like that ever again.” Darnell gripped so tight and didn’t ever want to let it go again.