ALEXANDER PICARD - FEAR OF THE IN LOVE LIFE

Alexander Picard, 25, loves science-fiction and playing tabletop games. Also, he is a former Senior Airman in the United States Air Force.

​Fear of the In Love Life

​Megan sat there across the table… the battlefield from Sarah. Her fear of this woman was both irrational yet totally sensible in her mind. Her affection for Sarah and wanting for affection from her was clear as day yet there was fear. The old nemesis of heartbreak had infiltrated the recesses of her mind, guiding her towards an inevitable result she hated yet felt comfort with. As her heart raced and her mind went to the routine negatives of taking the next step with Sarah finding anything to deny the obvious.
“Meg, why are we doing this, we both know our feelings.”
             “I’m not ready for this,” said Megan, knowing that this particular duel could be the last.
            “I don’t understand we love each other and yet your past keeps you from me when we’re right here for the taking.”
            “Too many times, Sarah, too many times others ran me into the dirt emotionally, I don’t want this.”
            “Your eyes and being here says otherwise.”
            Seemed this would be the last duel. Over the past few months Sarah had pressed hard to get Megan to move forward with her. Megan had admired her efforts to be fair. As if marching to war drums she was always pushing her to get out of her shell after so many failures. Although it was for selfish reasons, Sarah did love her. Her walls she had put up from the mists of ruined relationships where now barring Sarah from her goal.
 
Their battle at the kitchen table waged on thru the night. One side putting up defenses and the other tearing them down. Sarah chipping away at Megan’s resolve to remain single had slowly gotten more effective. Seemed like every time they interacted Sarah left her with less and less reason to turn her away. Megan realized this and decided to end it and snuff out any possibility of “them” and preserving her heart.
“Sarah, I’m sorry but I’m done.”
             “If you won’t commit then I’m walking away and were done.”
             “I just want this, isn’t this good enough?”
            Sarah seemingly accepting this, teary eyed, walked towards the door. Upon seeing this Megan thought she’d felt relieved but with each step her chest tightened. Seemed the most effective weapon was simply leaving. Her heart racing Megan shouted out before her mind could stop it from happening. “Wait stay!” As Sarah turned around looking shocked but happy Megan’s heart felt… safe. She only then felt, with the real idea of Sarah leaving, the pain of missing this opportunity. Her love for this woman was both irrational yet totally sensible in her mind.