First Love The child I was was grown, like a sasquatch with a baby’s shadow: covered in small hairs, but soft-faced, with bright eyes, a sunken nose, and hair the color of chocolate. He was thin as a paper doll, but his face was lank as the son of a hanged man’s. He was blind, too, and wasn’t strong enough to stand. When we met for the first time, he had to drag himself to the bathroom, and I had to drag him to the mirror. He thought he was ugly, and made fun of me because of it. I stopped thinking, and with my eyes to the ground, we shook hands and I shuffled away. And like that, I was left in the meadow, for this life, our dark demon lurking like a child among the roots. A Storm, A Seizure “Look out, Papa!” A sudden, mad twinkle out of the corner of my eye. The bright light of the nearby light-bulb. A smoldering crack. The dark breath of the distant thunderstorm. Then all was still and empty and hazy and blurred and I was lying on the floor of my father’s bedroom. And my father was lying on the floor of his bedroom. And I was certain he was dead, all broken and bleeding and coughing and gasping. And my father’s brilliant smile: “And look at all of these winged monkeys! And these darlings, they’re jangling their tin bells! But I’m not going to let that fool you. I’ve seen these monkeys! And I’m telling you that we can make them do whatever we like! So that’s why we’re going to do this.” And he took my hand, and alone in his brainstorm, I followed him into my dream, where the clouds were silhouetted against a stark night sky, and I hoped he could pull us together into the terrifying new world. Fornication Let this summer’s love be the freesia in the southern breeze. One day when we are at our best. O be silent…O be warm…I’m no moonflower. Every innocent thought, all pondering; exulting. Calls to thee again, when the dry caress trembles. Stands blazing still. Steadily throws my limbs to the pyre. In mercy, green breeze, full of motionless splendor. Ether waves lean on us. We push apart in its gentle, creeping lash and flee before the voice from the sky. Traumatic Aubade Time passes and then, finally, the darkness passes. There is an undecaying gentleness in the room. The intensity of the sun does not reappear. Cold has disappeared. The tiles brush my torso. Clouds pass overhead. I look down and my body has returned to its tattered state. I breathe deep, let it come and go. Breathe in, breathe out, perhaps it’s okay, I imagine. Breathe in and out, feel the house there all around me. Breathe in, breathe out, let the cool air take care of you. Breathe in and out, let it come and go. Walking between rooms in a world that only exists in my mind feels like walking between life and death, in the process lost in a body that cannot let go. Breathe in and out, feel your body fold over me, taking me deeper. Breathe in and out, only a few fee from the edge of a ravine and on a descent that will soon never be followed. Breathe in and out, get back to it, fuck this, take it back, and go, deeper. Breathe in and out, sink into this, feel you there, touching me, stretching my legs, bending me, waiting, over and over. Breathe in and out, looking at me, getting down and feeling my body, over and over, feeling your body over me. When you are finished getting back to the edge of the ravine, I’ll rise up and turn around, and look down and kiss you. From Mitochondrial Eve to Me This is the beginning of turning evil into bliss. It is all around us, even within our own body. We must stay together now, before we do damage that is irreversible. You can see what you’ve begun to accept. In this moment, you need to become a steward of the Earth’s bounty, to protect and propagate life. It’s time to step into your heart. Be brave, be healthy, be empowered, and a steward of what you’ve been given. It’s now too late, but not too soon to take it for a ride. Keep one eye on the road to positivity, and the other on the road to awareness. Walk this path together. Sway in the right direction. See you on the other side. Do what you have to do for what you have. Don’t let fear guide you, but take action and watch from the sidelines as you travel toward the truth. You’re a vessel. So is everybody else.
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