A Psychotropic Pancake
I grab the canister marked - clonzamp - that's covered in flour like dust
My hands shaking from anxiety something this is supposed to help with. I measure out one cup that’s level of course that I pour into the sifter to get out any lumps of powder.
Then I add just a pinch of lozampam ¼ of a teaspoon to be exact to calm my nerves more and mellow me out.
Then comes the “sweetener” - lithium - two cups of this magical ingredient that makes the unicorn and evil trolls disappear into the closet.
Then I add the fat - risperdal -. This ingredient is supposed to add flavor, sugar, and spice back into my life instead it makes me fat like fatty patty down the block and puffy.
I feel like like I'm on drugs when I consume it but in a pancake batter, it's just fat.
It's safe I think.
However, it drives my eating disorder crazy making me see myself in the metal spoon as weighing 5000 pounds. when really I’m 181.23 pounds and 5’3. Let's face it I'm a bulimic but the in denial kind.
Then I take the puffing powder to make my pancakes light and fluffy like I’m floating on soft clouds. This is - amitriptyline -. It makes you calm and sleepy like the angels are calling your name as a harp plays in the background a melody fit for a giant that has the magic golden harp up on top of the beanstalk.
Yet I know this doesn't exist because I'm eating part of my pancake daily.
The rainbows, clouds, unicorns, and happiness get mixed together all the with the colored spoon that whips the ingredients into a medical cocktail.
Then into the hot grilled it goes spooned out in in a perfect circle as my perfectionism won't have it any other way.
Then flip onto the plate it goes then it gets dusted with more - Lithium - for that added kick before it goes down the hatch.
I'm checked by the resident staff to make sure all the pancake went down. They check under my tongue and in my check pockets. Like always they are clean and I pass the test. Then five minutes later in the bathroom when no one is watching I quickly vomit part of the psychotropic pancake followed by a quick flush as if I had just urinated.